Romeo and Juliet
ACT II SCENE IV | A street. | |
[Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO] | ||
MERCUTIO | Where the devil should this Romeo be? | |
Came he not home to-night? | ||
BENVOLIO | Not to his father’s; I spoke with his man. | |
MERCUTIO | Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline. | |
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad. | ||
BENVOLIO | Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet, | |
Hath sent a letter to his father’s house. | ||
MERCUTIO | A challenge, on my life. | |
BENVOLIO | Romeo will answer it. | |
MERCUTIO | Any man that can write may answer a letter. | 10 |
BENVOLIO | Nay, he will answer the letter’s master, how he | |
dares, being dared. | ||
MERCUTIO | Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a | |
white wench’s black eye; shot through the ear with a | ||
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the | ||
blind bow-boy’s butt-shaft: and is he a man to | ||
encounter Tybalt? | ||
BENVOLIO | Why, what is Tybalt? | |
MERCUTIO | More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is | |
the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as | 20 | |
you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and | ||
proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and | ||
the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk | ||
button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the | ||
very first house, of the first and second cause: | ||
ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the | ||
hai! | ||
BENVOLIO | The what? | |
MERCUTIO | The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting | |
fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! ‘By Jesu, | ||
a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good | ||
whore!’ Why, is not this a lamentable thing, | ||
grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with | ||
these strange flies, these fashionmongers, these | ||
perdonnez-moys, who stand so much on the new form, | ||
that they cannot at ease on the old bench? O, their | ||
bons, their bons! | 32 | |
[Enter ROMEO] | ||
BENVOLIO | Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo. | |
MERCUTIO | Without his roe, like a dried herring: O flesh, flesh, | |
how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers | ||
that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a | ||
kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to | ||
be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy; | ||
Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey | ||
eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior | ||
Romeo, bon jour! there’s a French salutation | ||
to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit | ||
fairly last night. | ||
ROMEO | Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you? | |
MERCUTIO | The slip, sir, the slip; can you not conceive? | |
ROMEO | Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in | |
such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy. | ||
MERCUTIO | That’s as much as to say, such a case as yours | |
constrains a man to bow in the hams. | ||
ROMEO | Meaning, to court’sy. | 49 |
MERCUTIO | Thou hast most kindly hit it. | |
ROMEO | A most courteous exposition. | |
MERCUTIO | Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy. | |
ROMEO | Pink for flower. | |
MERCUTIO | Right. | |
ROMEO | Why, then is my pump well flowered. | |
MERCUTIO | Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast | |
worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it | ||
is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing, sole singular. | ||
ROMEO | O single-soled jest, solely singular for the | |
singleness. | ||
MERCUTIO | Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint. | 60 |
ROMEO | Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I’ll cry a match. | |
MERCUTIO | Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have | |
done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of | ||
thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five: | ||
was I with you there for the goose? | ||
ROMEO | Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast | |
not there for the goose. | ||
MERCUTIO | I will bite thee by the ear for that jest. | |
ROMEO | Nay, good goose, bite not. | 70 |
MERCUTIO | Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most | |
sharp sauce. | ||
ROMEO | And is it not well served in to a sweet goose? | |
MERCUTIO | O here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an | |
inch narrow to an ell broad! | ||
ROMEO | I stretch it out for that word ‘broad;’ which added | |
to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose. | ||
MERCUTIO | Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? | |
now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art | ||
thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: | ||
for this drivelling love is like a great natural, | ||
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole. | ||
BENVOLIO | Stop there, stop there. | |
MERCUTIO | Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair. | |
BENVOLIO | Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large. | |
MERCUTIO | O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short: | |
for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and | ||
meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer. | ||
ROMEO | Here’s goodly gear! | |
[Enter Nurse and PETER] | ||
MERCUTIO | A sail, a sail! | 90 |
BENVOLIO | Two, two; a shirt and a smock. | |
Nurse | Peter! | |
PETER | Anon! | |
Nurse | My fan, Peter. | |
MERCUTIO | Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan’s the | |
fairer face. | ||
Nurse | God ye good morrow, gentlemen. | |
MERCUTIO | God ye good den, fair gentlewoman. | |
Nurse | Is it good den? | |
MERCUTIO | ‘Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the | |
dial is now upon the prick of noon. | ||
Nurse | Out upon you! what a man are you! | |
ROMEO | One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to | |
mar. | ||
Nurse | By my troth, it is well said; ‘for himself to mar,’ | |
quoth a’? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I | ||
may find the young Romeo? | ||
ROMEO | I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when | |
you have found him than he was when you sought him: | ||
I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse. | ||
Nurse | You say well. | |
MERCUTIO | Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i’ faith; | |
wisely, wisely. | ||
Nurse | if you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with | |
you. | ||
BENVOLIO | She will indite him to some supper. | |
MERCUTIO | A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho! | |
ROMEO | What hast thou found? | |
MERCUTIO | No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, | |
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. | ||
[Sings] | ||
An old hare hoar, | ||
And an old hare hoar, | ||
Is very good meat in lent | ||
But a hare that is hoar | ||
Is too much for a score, | ||
When it hoars ere it be spent. | ||
Romeo, will you come to your father’s? we’ll | ||
to dinner, thither. | ||
ROMEO | I will follow you. | |
MERCUTIO | Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, | |
[Singing] | ||
‘lady, lady, lady.’ | ||
[Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO] | ||
Nurse | Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy | |
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery? | ||
ROMEO | A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, | |
and will speak more in a minute than he will stand | ||
to in a month. | 119 | |
Nurse | An a’ speak any thing against me, I’ll take him | |
down, an a’ were lustier than he is, and twenty such | ||
Jacks; and if I cannot, I’ll find those that shall. | ||
Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am | ||
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by | ||
too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? | ||
PETER | I saw no man use you a pleasure; if I had, my weapon | |
should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare | ||
draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a | ||
good quarrel, and the law on my side. | ||
Nurse | Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about | |
me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word: | ||
and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you | 132 | |
out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself: | ||
but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into | ||
a fool’s paradise, as they say, it were a very gross | ||
kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman | ||
is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double | ||
with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered | ||
to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing. | ||
ROMEO | Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I | |
protest unto thee– | ||
Nurse | Good heart, and, i’ faith, I will tell her as much: | |
Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman. | ||
ROMEO | What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me. | |
Nurse | I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as | |
I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer. | ||
ROMEO | Bid her devise | |
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon; | ||
And there she shall at Friar Laurence’ cell | ||
Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains. | 150 | |
Nurse | No truly sir; not a penny. | |
ROMEO | Go to; I say you shall. | |
Nurse | This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there. | |
ROMEO | And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall: | |
Within this hour my man shall be with thee | ||
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair; | ||
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy | ||
Must be my convoy in the secret night. | ||
Farewell; be trusty, and I’ll quit thy pains: | ||
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress. | 160 | |
Nurse | Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir. | |
ROMEO | What say’st thou, my dear nurse? | |
Nurse | Is your man secret? Did you ne’er hear say, | |
Two may keep counsel, putting one away? | ||
ROMEO | I warrant thee, my man’s as true as steel. | |
NURSE | Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady–Lord, | |
Lord! when ’twas a little prating thing:–O, there | ||
is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain | ||
lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lieve | ||
see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her | ||
sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer | ||
man; but, I’ll warrant you, when I say so, she looks | ||
as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not | ||
rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter? | ||
ROMEO | Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R. | |
Nurse | Ah. mocker! that’s the dog’s name; R is for | |
the–No; I know it begins with some other | ||
letter:–and she hath the prettiest sententious of | ||
it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good | ||
to hear it. | ||
ROMEO | Commend me to thy lady. | |
Nurse | Ay, a thousand times. | 180 |
[Exit Romeo] | ||
Peter! | ||
PETER | Anon! | |
Nurse | Peter, take my fan, and go before and apace. | |
[Exeunt] |
Next: Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 5