ACT I SCENE V

King Lear

ACT I SCENE V	Court before the same.
[Enter KING LEAR, KENT, and Fool]
KING LEAR	Go you before to Gloucester with these letters.
	Acquaint my daughter no further with any thing you
	know than comes from her demand out of the letter.
	If your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.
KENT	I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered	5
	your letter.
[Exit]
Fool	If a man’s brains were in’s heels, were’t not in
	danger of kibes?
KING LEAR	Ay, boy.
Fool	Then, I prithee, be merry; thy wit shall ne’er go	10
	slip-shod.
KING LEAR	Ha, ha, ha!
Fool	Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly;
	for though she’s as like this as a crab’s like an
	apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.	15
KING LEAR	Why, what canst thou tell, my boy?
Fool	She will taste as like this as a crab does to a
	crab. Thou canst tell why one’s nose stands i’
	the middle on’s face?
KING LEAR	No.	20
Fool	Why, to keep one’s eyes of either side’s nose; that
	what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.
KING LEAR	I did her wrong–
Fool	Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?
KING LEAR	No.	25
Fool	Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.
KING LEAR	Why?
Fool	Why, to put his head in; not to give it away to his
	daughters, and leave his horns without a case.
KING LEAR	I will forget my nature. So kind a father! Be my	30
	horses ready?
Fool	Thy asses are gone about ’em. The reason why the
	seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty reason.
KING LEAR	Because they are not eight?
Fool	Yes, indeed: thou wouldst make a good fool.	35
KING LEAR	To take ‘t again perforce! Monster ingratitude!
Fool	If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I’ld have thee beaten
	for being old before thy time.
KING LEAR	How’s that?
Fool	Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst	40
	been wise.
KING LEAR	O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven
	Keep me in temper: I would not be mad!
[Enter Gentleman]
	How now! are the horses ready?
Gentleman	Ready, my lord.	45
KING LEAR	Come, boy.
Fool	She that’s a maid now, and laughs at my departure,
	Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter.
[Exeunt]

King Lear, Act 2, Scene 1