ACT V SCENE III

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King Henry IV, Part II

ACT V SCENE III Gloucestershire. SHALLOW’S orchard.
Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, SILENCE, DAVY, BARDOLPH,and the Page
SHALLOW Nay, you shall see my orchard, where, in an arbour,
we will eat a last year’s pippin of my own graffing,
with a dish of caraways, and so forth: come,
cousin Silence: and then to bed.  5
FALSTAFF ‘Fore God, you have here a goodly dwelling and a rich.
SHALLOW Barren, barren, barren; beggars all, beggars all,
Sir John: marry, good air. Spread, Davy; spread,
Davy; well said, Davy.
FALSTAFF This Davy serves you for good uses; he is your  10
serving-man and your husband.
SHALLOW A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet,
Sir John: by the mass, I have drunk too much sack
at supper: a good varlet. Now sit down, now sit
down: come, cousin.  15
SILENCE Ah, sirrah! quoth-a, we shall
Do nothing but eat, and make good cheer,
Singing
And praise God for the merry year;
When flesh is cheap and females dear,
And lusty lads roam here and there  20
So merrily,
And ever among so merrily.
FALSTAFF There’s a merry heart! Good Master Silence, I’ll
give you a health for that anon.
SHALLOW Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.  25
DAVY Sweet sir, sit; I’ll be with you anon. most sweet
sir, sit. Master page, good master page, sit.
Proface! What you want in meat, we’ll have in drink:
but you must bear; the heart’s all.
Exit
SHALLOW Be merry, Master Bardolph; and, my little soldier  30
there, be merry.
SILENCE Be merry, be merry, my wife has all;
Singing
For women are shrews, both short and tall:
‘Tis merry in hall when beards wag all,
And welcome merry Shrove-tide.  35
Be merry, be merry.
FALSTAFF I did not think Master Silence had been a man of
this mettle.
SILENCE Who, I? I have been merry twice and once ere now.
Re-enter DAVY
DAVY There’s a dish of leather-coats for you.  40
To BARDOLPH
SHALLOW Davy!
DAVY Your worship! I’ll be with you straight.
To BARDOLPH
A cup of wine, sir?
SILENCE A cup of wine that’s brisk and fine,
Singing
And drink unto the leman mine;  45
And a merry heart lives long-a.
FALSTAFF Well said, Master Silence.
SILENCE An we shall be merry, now comes in the sweet o’ the night.
FALSTAFF Health and long life to you, Master Silence.
SILENCE Fill the cup, and let it come;  50
Singing
I’ll pledge you a mile to the bottom.
SHALLOW Honest Bardolph, welcome: if thou wantest any
thing, and wilt not call, beshrew thy heart.
Welcome, my little tiny thief.
To the Page
And welcome indeed too. I’ll drink to Master  55
Bardolph, and to all the cavaleros about London.
DAVY I hove to see London once ere I die.
BARDOLPH An I might see you there, Davy,–
SHALLOW By the mass, you’ll crack a quart together, ha!
Will you not, Master Bardolph?  60
BARDOLPH Yea, sir, in a pottle-pot.
SHALLOW By God’s liggens, I thank thee: the knave will
stick by thee, I can assure thee that. A’ will not
out; he is true bred.
BARDOLPH And I’ll stick by him, sir.  65
SHALLOW Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing: be merry.
Knocking within
Look who’s at door there, ho! who knocks?
Exit DAVY
FALSTAFF Why, now you have done me right.
To SILENCE, seeing him take off a bumper
SILENCE Singing
Do me right,
And dub me knight: Samingo.  70
Is’t not so?
FALSTAFF ‘Tis so.
SILENCE Is’t so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.
Re-enter DAVY
DAVY An’t please your worship, there’s one Pistol come
from the court with news.  75
FALSTAFF From the court! let him come in.
Enter PISTOL
How now, Pistol!
PISTOL Sir John, God save you!
FALSTAFF What wind blew you hither, Pistol?
PISTOL Not the ill wind which blows no man to good. Sweet  80
knight, thou art now one of the greatest men in this realm.
SILENCE By’r lady, I think a’ be, but goodman Puff of Barson.
PISTOL Puff!
Puff in thy teeth, most recreant coward base!
Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend,  85
And helter-skelter have I rode to thee,
And tidings do I bring and lucky joys
And golden times and happy news of price.
FALSTAFF I pray thee now, deliver them like a man of this world.
PISTOL A foutre for the world and worldlings base!  90
I speak of Africa and golden joys.
FALSTAFF O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news?
Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof.
SILENCE And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John.
Singing
PISTOL Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons?  95
And shall good news be baffled?
Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies’ lap.
SILENCE Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.
PISTOL Why then, lament therefore.
SHALLOW Give me pardon, sir: if, sir, you come with news  100
from the court, I take it there’s but two ways,
either to utter them, or to conceal them. I am,
sir, under the king, in some authority.
PISTOL Under which king, Besonian? speak, or die.
SHALLOW Under King Harry.  105
PISTOL Harry the Fourth? or Fifth?
SHALLOW Harry the Fourth.
PISTOL A foutre for thine office!
Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king;
Harry the Fifth’s the man. I speak the truth:  110
When Pistol lies, do this; and fig me, like
The bragging Spaniard.
FALSTAFF What, is the old king dead?
PISTOL As nail in door: the things I speak are just.
FALSTAFF Away, Bardolph! saddle my horse. Master Robert  115
Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land,
’tis thine. Pistol, I will double-charge thee with dignities.
BARDOLPH O joyful day!
I would not take a knighthood for my fortune.
PISTOL What! I do bring good news.  120
FALSTAFF Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow, my
Lord Shallow,–be what thou wilt; I am fortune’s
steward–get on thy boots: we’ll ride all night.
O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph!
Exit BARDOLPH
Come, Pistol, utter more to me; and withal devise  125
something to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master
Shallow: I know the young king is sick for me. Let
us take any man’s horses; the laws of England are at
my commandment. Blessed are they that have been my
friends; and woe to my lord chief-justice!  130
PISTOL Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
‘Where is the life that late I led?’ say they:
Why, here it is; welcome these pleasant days!
Exeunt