King Henry IV, Part I
ACT II SCENE IV | The Boar’s-Head Tavern, Eastcheap. | |
[Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS] | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend me | |
thy hand to laugh a little. | ||
POINS | Where hast been, Hal? | |
PRINCE HENRY | With three or four loggerheads amongst three or four | |
score hogsheads. I have sounded the very | 5 | |
base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother | ||
to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by | ||
their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. | ||
They take it already upon their salvation, that | ||
though I be but the prince of Wales, yet I am king | 10 | |
of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, | ||
like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a | ||
good boy, by the Lord, so they call me, and when I | ||
am king of England, I shall command all the good | ||
lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing | 15 | |
scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they | ||
cry ‘hem!’ and bid you play it off. To conclude, I | ||
am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, | ||
that I can drink with any tinker in his own language | ||
during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost | 20 | |
much honour, that thou wert not with me in this sweet | ||
action. But, sweet Ned,–to sweeten which name of | ||
Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped | ||
even now into my hand by an under-skinker, one that | ||
never spake other English in his life than ‘Eight | 25 | |
shillings and sixpence’ and ‘You are welcome,’ with | ||
this shrill addition, ‘Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint | ||
of bastard in the Half-Moon,’ or so. But, Ned, to | ||
drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, | ||
do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my | 30 | |
puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do | ||
thou never leave calling ‘Francis,’ that his tale | ||
to me may be nothing but ‘Anon.’ Step aside, and | ||
I’ll show thee a precedent. | ||
POINS | Francis! | 35 |
PRINCE HENRY | Thou art perfect. | |
POINS | Francis! | |
[Exit POINS] | ||
[Enter FRANCIS] | ||
FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Come hither, Francis. | |
FRANCIS | My lord? | 40 |
PRINCE HENRY | How long hast thou to serve, Francis? | |
FRANCIS | Forsooth, five years, and as much as to– | |
POINS | [Within] Francis! | |
FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Five year! by’r lady, a long lease for the clinking | 45 |
of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant | ||
as to play the coward with thy indenture and show it | ||
a fair pair of heels and run from it? | ||
FRANCIS | O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in | |
England, I could find in my heart. | 50 | |
POINS | [Within] Francis! | |
FRANCIS | Anon, sir. | |
PRINCE HENRY | How old art thou, Francis? | |
FRANCIS | Let me see–about Michaelmas next I shall be– | |
POINS | [Within] Francis! | 55 |
FRANCIS | Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Nay, but hark you, Francis: for the sugar thou | |
gavest me,’twas a pennyworth, wast’t not? | ||
FRANCIS | O Lord, I would it had been two! | |
PRINCE HENRY | I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask me | 60 |
when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it. | ||
POINS | [Within] Francis! | |
FRANCIS | Anon, anon. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but to-morrow, Francis; | |
or, Francis, o’ Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when | 65 | |
thou wilt. But, Francis! | ||
FRANCIS | My lord? | |
PRINCE HENRY | Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, | |
not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, | ||
smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,– | 70 | |
FRANCIS | O Lord, sir, who do you mean? | |
PRINCE HENRY | Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink; | |
for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet | ||
will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much. | ||
FRANCIS | What, sir? | 75 |
POINS | [Within] Francis! | |
PRINCE HENRY | Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them call? | |
[ Here they both call him; the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go ] | ||
[Enter Vintner] | ||
Vintner | What, standest thou still, and hearest such a | |
calling? Look to the guests within. | ||
[Exit Francis] | ||
My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen more, are | 80 | |
at the door: shall I let them in? | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Let them alone awhile, and then open the door. | |
[Exit Vintner] | ||
Poins! | ||
[Re-enter POINS] | ||
POINS | Anon, anon, sir. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at | 85 |
the door: shall we be merry? | ||
POINS | As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; what | |
cunning match have you made with this jest of the | ||
drawer? come, what’s the issue? | ||
PRINCE HENRY | I am now of all humours that have showed themselves | 90 |
humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the | ||
pupil age of this present twelve o’clock at midnight. | ||
[Re-enter FRANCIS] | ||
What’s o’clock, Francis? | ||
FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. | |
[Exit] | ||
PRINCE HENRY | That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a | 95 |
parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is | ||
upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel of | ||
a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the | ||
Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or | ||
seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his | 100 | |
hands, and says to his wife ‘Fie upon this quiet | ||
life! I want work.’ ‘O my sweet Harry,’ says she, | ||
‘how many hast thou killed to-day?’ ‘Give my roan | ||
horse a drench,’ says he; and answers ‘Some | ||
fourteen,’ an hour after; ‘a trifle, a trifle.’ I | 105 | |
prithee, call in Falstaff: I’ll play Percy, and | ||
that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his | ||
wife. ‘Rivo!’ says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow. | ||
[ Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and PETO; FRANCIS following with wine ] | ||
POINS | Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been? | |
FALSTAFF | A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! | 110 |
marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I | ||
lead this life long, I’ll sew nether stocks and mend | ||
them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards! | ||
Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant? | ||
[He drinks] | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter? | 115 |
pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet tale | ||
of the sun’s! if thou didst, then behold that compound. | ||
FALSTAFF | You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too: there is | |
nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man: | ||
yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime | 120 | |
in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack; | ||
die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be | ||
not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a | ||
shotten herring. There live not three good men | ||
unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and | 125 | |
grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say. | ||
I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any | ||
thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | How now, wool-sack! what mutter you? | |
FALSTAFF | A king’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy | 130 |
kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy | ||
subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, | ||
I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales! | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter? | |
FALSTAFF | Are not you a coward? answer me to that: and Poins there? | 135 |
POINS | ‘Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the | |
Lord, I’ll stab thee. | ||
FALSTAFF | I call thee coward! I’ll see thee damned ere I call | |
thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound I | ||
could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight | 140 | |
enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your | ||
back: call you that backing of your friends? A | ||
plague upon such backing! give me them that will | ||
face me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I | ||
drunk to-day. | 145 | |
PRINCE HENRY | O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou | |
drunkest last. | ||
FALSTAFF | All’s one for that. | |
[He drinks] | ||
A plague of all cowards, still say I. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | What’s the matter? | 150 |
FALSTAFF | What’s the matter! there be four of us here have | |
ta’en a thousand pound this day morning. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Where is it, Jack? where is it? | |
FALSTAFF | Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon | |
poor four of us. | 155 | |
PRINCE HENRY | What, a hundred, man? | |
FALSTAFF | I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a | |
dozen of them two hours together. I have ‘scaped by | ||
miracle. I am eight times thrust through the | ||
doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut | 160 | |
through and through; my sword hacked like a | ||
hand-saw–ecce signum! I never dealt better since | ||
I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all | ||
cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or | ||
less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. | 165 | |
PRINCE HENRY | Speak, sirs; how was it? | |
GADSHILL | We four set upon some dozen– | |
FALSTAFF | Sixteen at least, my lord. | |
GADSHILL | And bound them. | |
PETO | No, no, they were not bound. | 170 |
FALSTAFF | You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I | |
am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. | ||
GADSHILL | As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us– | |
FALSTAFF | And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. | |
PRINCE HENRY | What, fought you with them all? | 175 |
FALSTAFF | All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought | |
not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if | ||
there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old | ||
Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Pray God you have not murdered some of them. | 180 |
FALSTAFF | Nay, that’s past praying for: I have peppered two | |
of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues | ||
in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell | ||
thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou | ||
knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my | 185 | |
point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me– | ||
PRINCE HENRY | What, four? thou saidst but two even now. | |
FALSTAFF | Four, Hal; I told thee four. | |
POINS | Ay, ay, he said four. | |
FALSTAFF | These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at | 190 |
me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven | ||
points in my target, thus. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Seven? why, there were but four even now. | |
FALSTAFF | In buckram? | |
POINS | Ay, four, in buckram suits. | 195 |
FALSTAFF | Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. | |
FALSTAFF | Dost thou hear me, Hal? | |
PRINCE HENRY | Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. | |
FALSTAFF | Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine | 200 |
in buckram that I told thee of– | ||
PRINCE HENRY | So, two more already. | |
FALSTAFF | Their points being broken,– | |
POINS | Down fell their hose. | |
FALSTAFF | Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, | 205 |
came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of | ||
the eleven I paid. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! | |
FALSTAFF | But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten | |
knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive | 210 | |
at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst | ||
not see thy hand. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | These lies are like their father that begets them; | |
gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou | ||
clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou | 215 | |
whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-keech,– | ||
FALSTAFF | What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth | |
the truth? | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal | |
green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy | 220 | |
hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this? | ||
POINS | Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. | |
FALSTAFF | What, upon compulsion? ‘Zounds, an I were at the | |
strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would | ||
not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on | 225 | |
compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as | ||
blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon | ||
compulsion, I. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine | |
coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, | 230 | |
this huge hill of flesh,– | ||
FALSTAFF | ‘Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried | |
neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish! O | ||
for breath to utter what is like thee! you | ||
tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile | 235 | |
standing-tuck,– | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and | |
when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, | ||
hear me speak but this. | ||
POINS | Mark, Jack. | 240 |
PRINCE HENRY | We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and | |
were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain | ||
tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you | ||
four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your | ||
prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in | 245 | |
the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts | ||
away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared | ||
for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard | ||
bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword | ||
as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! | 250 | |
What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst | ||
thou now find out to hide thee from this open and | ||
apparent shame? | ||
POINS | Come, let’s hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now? | |
FALSTAFF | By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. | 255 |
Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the | ||
heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince? | ||
why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but | ||
beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true | ||
prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a | 260 | |
coward on instinct. I shall think the better of | ||
myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant | ||
lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, | ||
lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap | ||
to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow. | 265 | |
Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles | ||
of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be | ||
merry? shall we have a play extempore? | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Content; and the argument shall be thy running away. | |
FALSTAFF | Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me! | 270 |
[Enter Hostess] | ||
Hostess | O Jesu, my lord the prince! | |
PRINCE HENRY | How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest thou to | |
me? | ||
Hostess | Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at | |
door would speak with you: he says he comes from | 275 | |
your father. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and | |
send him back again to my mother. | ||
FALSTAFF | What manner of man is he? | |
Hostess | An old man. | 280 |
FALSTAFF | What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall | |
I give him his answer? | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Prithee, do, Jack. | |
FALSTAFF | ‘Faith, and I’ll send him packing. | |
[Exit FALSTAFF] | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Now, sirs: by’r lady, you fought fair; so did you, | 285 |
Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you | ||
ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true | ||
prince; no, fie! | ||
BARDOLPH | ‘Faith, I ran when I saw others run. | |
PRINCE HENRY | ‘Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s | 290 |
sword so hacked? | ||
PETO | Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would | |
swear truth out of England but he would make you | ||
believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like. | ||
BARDOLPH | Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to | 295 |
make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments | ||
with it and swear it was the blood of true men. I | ||
did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed | ||
to hear his monstrous devices. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years | 300 |
ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since | ||
thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and | ||
sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what | ||
instinct hadst thou for it? | ||
BARDOLPH | My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold | 305 |
these exhalations? | ||
PRINCE HENRY | I do. | |
BARDOLPH | What think you they portend? | |
PRINCE HENRY | Hot livers and cold purses. | |
BARDOLPH | Choler, my lord, if rightly taken. | 310 |
PRINCE HENRY | No, if rightly taken, halter. | |
[Re-enter FALSTAFF] | ||
Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. | ||
How now, my sweet creature of bombast! | ||
How long is’t ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? | ||
FALSTAFF | My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I was | 315 |
not an eagle’s talon in the waist; I could have | ||
crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring: a plague of | ||
sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a | ||
bladder. There’s villanous news abroad: here was | ||
Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the | 320 | |
court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the | ||
north, Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the | ||
bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore the | ||
devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh | ||
hook–what a plague call you him? | 325 | |
POINS | O, Glendower. | |
FALSTAFF | Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer, | |
and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of | ||
Scots, Douglas, that runs o’ horseback up a hill | ||
perpendicular,– | 330 | |
PRINCE HENRY | He that rides at high speed and with his pistol | |
kills a sparrow flying. | ||
FALSTAFF | You have hit it. | |
PRINCE HENRY | So did he never the sparrow. | |
FALSTAFF | Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. | 335 |
PRINCE HENRY | Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so | |
for running! | ||
FALSTAFF | O’ horseback, ye cuckoo; but afoot he will not budge a foot. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Yes, Jack, upon instinct. | |
FALSTAFF | I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, | 340 |
and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: | ||
Worcester is stolen away to-night; thy father’s | ||
beard is turned white with the news: you may buy | ||
land now as cheap as stinking mackerel. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Why, then, it is like, if there come a hot June and | 345 |
this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads | ||
as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds. | ||
FALSTAFF | By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we | |
shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, | ||
art not thou horrible afeard? thou being | 350 | |
heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three | ||
such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that | ||
spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou | ||
not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at | ||
it? | 355 | |
PRINCE HENRY | Not a whit, i’ faith; I lack some of thy instinct. | |
FALSTAFF | Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou | |
comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the | |
particulars of my life. | 360 | |
FALSTAFF | Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state, | |
this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden | |
sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich | ||
crown for a pitiful bald crown! | 365 | |
FALSTAFF | Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, | |
now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to | ||
make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have | ||
wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it | ||
in King Cambyses’ vein. | 370 | |
PRINCE HENRY | Well, here is my leg. | |
FALSTAFF | And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility. | |
Hostess | O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i’ faith! | |
FALSTAFF | Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain. | |
Hostess | O, the father, how he holds his countenance! | 375 |
FALSTAFF | For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful queen; | |
For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. | ||
Hostess | O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry | |
players as ever I see! | ||
FALSTAFF | Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain. | 380 |
Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy | ||
time, but also how thou art accompanied: for though | ||
the camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster | ||
it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the | ||
sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have | 385 | |
partly thy mother’s word, partly my own opinion, | ||
but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a | ||
foolish-hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant | ||
me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point; | ||
why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall | 390 | |
the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat | ||
blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall | ||
the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? a | ||
question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, | ||
which thou hast often heard of and it is known to | 395 | |
many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, | ||
as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth | ||
the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not | ||
speak to thee in drink but in tears, not in | ||
pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but in | 400 | |
woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom I | ||
have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | What manner of man, an it like your majesty? | |
FALSTAFF | A goodly portly man, i’ faith, and a corpulent; of a | |
cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble | 405 | |
carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, | ||
by’r lady, inclining to three score; and now I | ||
remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man | ||
should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, | ||
I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be | 410 | |
known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, | ||
peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that | ||
Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell | ||
me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast | ||
thou been this month? | 415 | |
PRINCE HENRY | Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, | |
and I’ll play my father. | ||
FALSTAFF | Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so | |
majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by | ||
the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter’s hare. | 420 | |
PRINCE HENRY | Well, here I am set. | |
FALSTAFF | And here I stand: judge, my masters. | |
PRINCE HENRY | Now, Harry, whence come you? | |
FALSTAFF | My noble lord, from Eastcheap. | |
PRINCE HENRY | The complaints I hear of thee are grievous. | 425 |
FALSTAFF | ‘Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I’ll tickle | |
ye for a young prince, i’ faith. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne’er look | |
on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace: | ||
there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an | 430 | |
old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why | ||
dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that | ||
bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel | ||
of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed | ||
cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with | 435 | |
the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that | ||
grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in | ||
years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and | ||
drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a | ||
capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? | 440 | |
wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, | ||
but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? | ||
FALSTAFF | I would your grace would take me with you: whom | |
means your grace? | ||
PRINCE HENRY | That villanous abominable misleader of youth, | 445 |
Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan. | ||
FALSTAFF | My lord, the man I know. | |
PRINCE HENRY | I know thou dost. | |
FALSTAFF | But to say I know more harm in him than in myself, | |
were to say more than I know. That he is old, the | 450 | |
more the pity, his white hairs do witness it; but | ||
that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, | ||
that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, | ||
God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a | ||
sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if | 455 | |
to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine | ||
are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto, | ||
banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack | ||
Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, | ||
valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, | 460 | |
being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him | ||
thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy Harry’s | ||
company: banish plump Jack, and banish all the world. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | I do, I will. | |
[A knocking heard] | ||
[Exeunt Hostess, FRANCIS, and BARDOLPH] | ||
[Re-enter BARDOLPH, running] | ||
BARDOLPH | O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most | 465 |
monstrous watch is at the door. | ||
FALSTAFF | Out, ye rogue! Play out the play: I have much to | |
say in the behalf of that Falstaff. | ||
[Re-enter the Hostess] | ||
Hostess | O Jesu, my lord, my lord! | |
PRINCE HENRY | Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddlestick: | 470 |
what’s the matter? | ||
Hostess | The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they | |
are come to search the house. Shall I let them in? | ||
FALSTAFF | Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of | |
gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad, | 475 | |
without seeming so. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | And thou a natural coward, without instinct. | |
FALSTAFF | I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, | |
so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart | ||
as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! | 480 | |
I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Go, hide thee behind the arras: the rest walk up | |
above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good | ||
conscience. | ||
FALSTAFF | Both which I have had: but their date is out, and | 485 |
therefore I’ll hide me. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Call in the sheriff. | |
[Exeunt all except PRINCE HENRY and PETO] | ||
[Enter Sheriff and the Carrier] | ||
Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me? | ||
Sheriff | First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry | |
Hath follow’d certain men unto this house. | 490 | |
PRINCE HENRY | What men? | |
Sheriff | One of them is well known, my gracious lord, | |
A gross fat man. | ||
Carrier | As fat as butter. | |
PRINCE HENRY | The man, I do assure you, is not here; | 495 |
For I myself at this time have employ’d him. | ||
And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee | ||
That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time, | ||
Send him to answer thee, or any man, | ||
For any thing he shall be charged withal: | 500 | |
And so let me entreat you leave the house. | ||
Sheriff | I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen | |
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | It may be so: if he have robb’d these men, | |
He shall be answerable; and so farewell. | 505 | |
Sheriff | Good night, my noble lord. | |
PRINCE HENRY | I think it is good morrow, is it not? | |
Sheriff | Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o’clock. | |
[Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier] | ||
PRINCE HENRY | This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go, | |
call him forth. | 510 | |
PETO | Falstaff!–Fast asleep behind the arras, and | |
snorting like a horse. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets. | |
[He searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers] | ||
What hast thou found? | ||
PETO | Nothing but papers, my lord. | 515 |
PRINCE HENRY | Let’s see what they be: read them. | |
PETO | [Reads] Item, A capon,. . 2s. 2d. | |
Item, Sauce,. . . 4d. | ||
Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. 8d. | ||
Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. | 520 | |
Item, Bread, ob. | ||
PRINCE HENRY | O monstrous! but one half-penny-worth of bread to | |
this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, | ||
keep close; we’ll read it at more advantage: there | ||
let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the | 525 | |
morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place | ||
shall be honourable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a | ||
charge of foot; and I know his death will be a | ||
march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid | ||
back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in | 530 | |
the morning; and so, good morrow, Peto. | ||
[Exeunt] | ||
PETO | Good morrow, good my lord. |
Continue to Henry IV, Part I, Act 3, Scene 1