ACT II SCENE IV

King Henry IV, Part I

ACT II SCENE IV	The Boar’s-Head Tavern, Eastcheap.
[Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS]
PRINCE HENRY	Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend me
	thy hand to laugh a little.
POINS	Where hast been, Hal?
PRINCE HENRY	With three or four loggerheads amongst three or four
	score hogsheads. I have sounded the very	5
	base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother
	to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by
	their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis.
	They take it already upon their salvation, that
	though I be but the prince of Wales, yet I am king	10
	of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack,
	like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a
	good boy, by the Lord, so they call me, and when I
	am king of England, I shall command all the good
	lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing	15
	scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they
	cry ‘hem!’ and bid you play it off. To conclude, I
	am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour,
	that I can drink with any tinker in his own language
	during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost	20
	much honour, that thou wert not with me in this sweet
	action. But, sweet Ned,–to sweeten which name of
	Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped
	even now into my hand by an under-skinker, one that
	never spake other English in his life than ‘Eight	25
	shillings and sixpence’ and ‘You are welcome,’ with
	this shrill addition, ‘Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint
	of bastard in the Half-Moon,’ or so. But, Ned, to
	drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee,
	do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my	30
	puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do
	thou never leave calling ‘Francis,’ that his tale
	to me may be nothing but ‘Anon.’ Step aside, and
	I’ll show thee a precedent.
POINS	Francis!	35
PRINCE HENRY	Thou art perfect.
POINS	Francis!
[Exit POINS]
[Enter FRANCIS]
FRANCIS	Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph.
PRINCE HENRY	Come hither, Francis.
FRANCIS	My lord?	40
PRINCE HENRY	How long hast thou to serve, Francis?
FRANCIS	Forsooth, five years, and as much as to–
POINS	[Within] Francis!
FRANCIS	Anon, anon, sir.
PRINCE HENRY	Five year! by’r lady, a long lease for the clinking	45
	of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant
	as to play the coward with thy indenture and show it
	a fair pair of heels and run from it?
FRANCIS	O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in
	England, I could find in my heart.	50
POINS	[Within] Francis!
FRANCIS	Anon, sir.
PRINCE HENRY	How old art thou, Francis?
FRANCIS	Let me see–about Michaelmas next I shall be–
POINS	[Within] Francis!	55
FRANCIS	Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord.
PRINCE HENRY	Nay, but hark you, Francis: for the sugar thou
	gavest me,’twas a pennyworth, wast’t not?
FRANCIS	O Lord, I would it had been two!
PRINCE HENRY	I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask me	60
	when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.
POINS	[Within] Francis!
FRANCIS	Anon, anon.
PRINCE HENRY	Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but to-morrow, Francis;
	or, Francis, o’ Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when	65
	thou wilt. But, Francis!
FRANCIS	My lord?
PRINCE HENRY	Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button,
	not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter,
	smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,–	70
FRANCIS	O Lord, sir, who do you mean?
PRINCE HENRY	Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink;
	for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet
	will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.
FRANCIS	What, sir?	75
POINS	[Within] Francis!
PRINCE HENRY	Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them call?
[ Here they both call him; the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go ]
[Enter Vintner]
Vintner	What, standest thou still, and hearest such a
	calling? Look to the guests within.
[Exit Francis]
	My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen more, are	80
	at the door: shall I let them in?
PRINCE HENRY	Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
[Exit Vintner]
	Poins!
[Re-enter POINS]
POINS	Anon, anon, sir.
PRINCE HENRY	Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at	85
	the door: shall we be merry?
POINS	As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; what
	cunning match have you made with this jest of the
	drawer? come, what’s the issue?
PRINCE HENRY	I am now of all humours that have showed themselves	90
	humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the
	pupil age of this present twelve o’clock at midnight.
[Re-enter FRANCIS]
	What’s o’clock, Francis?
FRANCIS	Anon, anon, sir.
[Exit]
PRINCE HENRY	That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a	95
	parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is
	upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel of
	a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the
	Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or
	seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his	100
	hands, and says to his wife ‘Fie upon this quiet
	life! I want work.’ ‘O my sweet Harry,’ says she,
	‘how many hast thou killed to-day?’ ‘Give my roan
	horse a drench,’ says he; and answers ‘Some
	fourteen,’ an hour after; ‘a trifle, a trifle.’ I	105
	prithee, call in Falstaff: I’ll play Percy, and
	that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his
	wife. ‘Rivo!’ says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow.
[ Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and PETO; FRANCIS following with wine ]
POINS	Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been?
FALSTAFF	A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too!	110
	marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I
	lead this life long, I’ll sew nether stocks and mend
	them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!
	Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant?
[He drinks]
PRINCE HENRY	Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?	115
	pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet tale
	of the sun’s! if thou didst, then behold that compound.
FALSTAFF	You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too: there is
	nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man:
	yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime	120
	in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack;
	die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be
	not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a
	shotten herring. There live not three good men
	unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and	125
	grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say.
	I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any
	thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still.
PRINCE HENRY	How now, wool-sack! what mutter you?
FALSTAFF	A king’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy	130
	kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy
	subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese,
	I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales!
PRINCE HENRY	Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?
FALSTAFF	Are not you a coward? answer me to that: and Poins there?	135
POINS	‘Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the
	Lord, I’ll stab thee.
FALSTAFF	I call thee coward! I’ll see thee damned ere I call
	thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound I
	could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight	140
	enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your
	back: call you that backing of your friends? A
	plague upon such backing! give me them that will
	face me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I
	drunk to-day.	145
PRINCE HENRY	O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou
	drunkest last.
FALSTAFF	All’s one for that.
[He drinks]
	A plague of all cowards, still say I.
PRINCE HENRY	What’s the matter?	150
FALSTAFF	What’s the matter! there be four of us here have
	ta’en a thousand pound this day morning.
PRINCE HENRY	Where is it, Jack? where is it?
FALSTAFF	Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon
	poor four of us.	155
PRINCE HENRY	What, a hundred, man?
FALSTAFF	I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a
	dozen of them two hours together. I have ‘scaped by
	miracle. I am eight times thrust through the
	doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut	160
	through and through; my sword hacked like a
	hand-saw–ecce signum! I never dealt better since
	I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all
	cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or
	less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness.	165
PRINCE HENRY	Speak, sirs; how was it?
GADSHILL	We four set upon some dozen–
FALSTAFF	Sixteen at least, my lord.
GADSHILL	And bound them.
PETO	No, no, they were not bound.	170
FALSTAFF	You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I
	am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.
GADSHILL	As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us–
FALSTAFF	And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.
PRINCE HENRY	What, fought you with them all?	175
FALSTAFF	All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought
	not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if
	there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old
	Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.
PRINCE HENRY	Pray God you have not murdered some of them.	180
FALSTAFF	Nay, that’s past praying for: I have peppered two
	of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues
	in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell
	thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou
	knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my	185
	point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me–
PRINCE HENRY	What, four? thou saidst but two even now.
FALSTAFF	Four, Hal; I told thee four.
POINS	Ay, ay, he said four.
FALSTAFF	These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at	190
	me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven
	points in my target, thus.
PRINCE HENRY	Seven? why, there were but four even now.
FALSTAFF	In buckram?
POINS	Ay, four, in buckram suits.	195
FALSTAFF	Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
PRINCE HENRY	Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon.
FALSTAFF	Dost thou hear me, Hal?
PRINCE HENRY	Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.
FALSTAFF	Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine	200
	in buckram that I told thee of–
PRINCE HENRY	So, two more already.
FALSTAFF	Their points being broken,–
POINS	Down fell their hose.
FALSTAFF	Began to give me ground: but I followed me close,	205
	came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of
	the eleven I paid.
PRINCE HENRY	O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two!
FALSTAFF	But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten
	knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive	210
	at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst
	not see thy hand.
PRINCE HENRY	These lies are like their father that begets them;
	gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou
	clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou	215
	whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-keech,–
FALSTAFF	What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth
	the truth?
PRINCE HENRY	Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal
	green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy	220
	hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this?
POINS	Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.
FALSTAFF	What, upon compulsion? ‘Zounds, an I were at the
	strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would
	not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on	225
	compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as
	blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon
	compulsion, I.
PRINCE HENRY	I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine
	coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker,	230
	this huge hill of flesh,–
FALSTAFF	‘Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried
	neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish! O
	for breath to utter what is like thee! you
	tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile	235
	standing-tuck,–
PRINCE HENRY	Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and
	when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons,
	hear me speak but this.
POINS	Mark, Jack.	240
PRINCE HENRY	We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and
	were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain
	tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you
	four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your
	prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in	245
	the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts
	away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared
	for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard
	bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword
	as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight!	250
	What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst
	thou now find out to hide thee from this open and
	apparent shame?
POINS	Come, let’s hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now?
FALSTAFF	By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye.	255
	Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the
	heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince?
	why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but
	beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true
	prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a	260
	coward on instinct. I shall think the better of
	myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant
	lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord,
	lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap
	to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow.	265
	Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles
	of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be
	merry? shall we have a play extempore?
PRINCE HENRY	Content; and the argument shall be thy running away.
FALSTAFF	Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!	270
[Enter Hostess]
Hostess	O Jesu, my lord the prince!
PRINCE HENRY	How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest thou to
	me?
Hostess	Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at
	door would speak with you: he says he comes from	275
	your father.
PRINCE HENRY	Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and
	send him back again to my mother.
FALSTAFF	What manner of man is he?
Hostess	An old man.	280
FALSTAFF	What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall
	I give him his answer?
PRINCE HENRY	Prithee, do, Jack.
FALSTAFF	‘Faith, and I’ll send him packing.
[Exit FALSTAFF]
PRINCE HENRY	Now, sirs: by’r lady, you fought fair; so did you,	285
	Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you
	ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true
	prince; no, fie!
BARDOLPH	‘Faith, I ran when I saw others run.
PRINCE HENRY	‘Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s	290
	sword so hacked?
PETO	Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would
	swear truth out of England but he would make you
	believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like.
BARDOLPH	Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to	295
	make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments
	with it and swear it was the blood of true men. I
	did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed
	to hear his monstrous devices.
PRINCE HENRY	O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years	300
	ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since
	thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and
	sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what
	instinct hadst thou for it?
BARDOLPH	My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold	305
	these exhalations?
PRINCE HENRY	I do.
BARDOLPH	What think you they portend?
PRINCE HENRY	Hot livers and cold purses.
BARDOLPH	Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.	310
PRINCE HENRY	No, if rightly taken, halter.
[Re-enter FALSTAFF]
	Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone.
	How now, my sweet creature of bombast!
	How long is’t ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee?
FALSTAFF	My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I was	315
	not an eagle’s talon in the waist; I could have
	crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring: a plague of
	sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a
	bladder. There’s villanous news abroad: here was
	Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the	320
	court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the
	north, Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the
	bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore the
	devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh
	hook–what a plague call you him?	325
POINS	O, Glendower.
FALSTAFF	Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer,
	and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of
	Scots, Douglas, that runs o’ horseback up a hill
	perpendicular,–	330
PRINCE HENRY	He that rides at high speed and with his pistol
	kills a sparrow flying.
FALSTAFF	You have hit it.
PRINCE HENRY	So did he never the sparrow.
FALSTAFF	Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run.	335
PRINCE HENRY	Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so
	for running!
FALSTAFF	O’ horseback, ye cuckoo; but afoot he will not budge a foot.
PRINCE HENRY	Yes, Jack, upon instinct.
FALSTAFF	I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too,	340
	and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more:
	Worcester is stolen away to-night; thy father’s
	beard is turned white with the news: you may buy
	land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.
PRINCE HENRY	Why, then, it is like, if there come a hot June and	345
	this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads
	as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds.
FALSTAFF	By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we
	shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal,
	art not thou horrible afeard? thou being	350
	heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three
	such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that
	spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou
	not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at
	it?	355
PRINCE HENRY	Not a whit, i’ faith; I lack some of thy instinct.
FALSTAFF	Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou
	comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer.
PRINCE HENRY	Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the
	particulars of my life.	360
FALSTAFF	Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state,
	this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown.
PRINCE HENRY	Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden
	sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich
	crown for a pitiful bald crown!	365
FALSTAFF	Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee,
	now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to
	make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have
	wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it
	in King Cambyses’ vein.	370
PRINCE HENRY	Well, here is my leg.
FALSTAFF	And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.
Hostess	O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i’ faith!
FALSTAFF	Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain.
Hostess	O, the father, how he holds his countenance!	375
FALSTAFF	For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful queen;
	For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes.
Hostess	O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry
	players as ever I see!
FALSTAFF	Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain.	380
	Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy
	time, but also how thou art accompanied: for though
	the camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster
	it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the
	sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have	385
	partly thy mother’s word, partly my own opinion,
	but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a
	foolish-hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant
	me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point;
	why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall	390
	the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat
	blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall
	the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? a
	question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry,
	which thou hast often heard of and it is known to	395
	many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch,
	as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth
	the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not
	speak to thee in drink but in tears, not in
	pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but in	400
	woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom I
	have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.
PRINCE HENRY	What manner of man, an it like your majesty?
FALSTAFF	A goodly portly man, i’ faith, and a corpulent; of a
	cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble	405
	carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or,
	by’r lady, inclining to three score; and now I
	remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man
	should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry,
	I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be	410
	known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then,
	peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that
	Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell
	me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast
	thou been this month?	415
PRINCE HENRY	Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me,
	and I’ll play my father.
FALSTAFF	Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so
	majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by
	the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter’s hare.	420
PRINCE HENRY	Well, here I am set.
FALSTAFF	And here I stand: judge, my masters.
PRINCE HENRY	Now, Harry, whence come you?
FALSTAFF	My noble lord, from Eastcheap.
PRINCE HENRY	The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.	425
FALSTAFF	‘Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I’ll tickle
	ye for a young prince, i’ faith.
PRINCE HENRY	Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne’er look
	on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace:
	there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an	430
	old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why
	dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that
	bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel
	of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed
	cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with	435
	the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that
	grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in
	years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and
	drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a
	capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft?	440
	wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous,
	but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?
FALSTAFF	I would your grace would take me with you: whom
	means your grace?
PRINCE HENRY	That villanous abominable misleader of youth,	445
	Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.
FALSTAFF	My lord, the man I know.
PRINCE HENRY	I know thou dost.
FALSTAFF	But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,
	were to say more than I know. That he is old, the	450
	more the pity, his white hairs do witness it; but
	that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,
	that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault,
	God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a
	sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if	455
	to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine
	are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto,
	banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack
	Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff,
	valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant,	460
	being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him
	thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy Harry’s
	company: banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.
PRINCE HENRY	I do, I will.
[A knocking heard]
[Exeunt Hostess, FRANCIS, and BARDOLPH]
[Re-enter BARDOLPH, running]
BARDOLPH	O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most	465
	monstrous watch is at the door.
FALSTAFF	Out, ye rogue! Play out the play: I have much to
	say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
[Re-enter the Hostess]
Hostess	O Jesu, my lord, my lord!
PRINCE HENRY	Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddlestick:	470
	what’s the matter?
Hostess	The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they
	are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?
FALSTAFF	Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of
	gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad,	475
	without seeming so.
PRINCE HENRY	And thou a natural coward, without instinct.
FALSTAFF	I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff,
	so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart
	as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up!	480
	I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.
PRINCE HENRY	Go, hide thee behind the arras: the rest walk up
	above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good
	conscience.
FALSTAFF	Both which I have had: but their date is out, and	485
	therefore I’ll hide me.
PRINCE HENRY	Call in the sheriff.
[Exeunt all except PRINCE HENRY and PETO]
[Enter Sheriff and the Carrier]
	Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me?
Sheriff	First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
	Hath follow’d certain men unto this house.	490
PRINCE HENRY	What men?
Sheriff	One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
	A gross fat man.
Carrier	As fat as butter.
PRINCE HENRY	The man, I do assure you, is not here;	495
	For I myself at this time have employ’d him.
	And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
	That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time,
	Send him to answer thee, or any man,
	For any thing he shall be charged withal:	500
	And so let me entreat you leave the house.
Sheriff	I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
	Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.
PRINCE HENRY	It may be so: if he have robb’d these men,
	He shall be answerable; and so farewell.	505
Sheriff	Good night, my noble lord.
PRINCE HENRY	I think it is good morrow, is it not?
Sheriff	Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o’clock.
[Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier]
PRINCE HENRY	This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go,
	call him forth.	510
PETO	Falstaff!–Fast asleep behind the arras, and
	snorting like a horse.
PRINCE HENRY	Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
[He searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers]
	What hast thou found?
PETO	Nothing but papers, my lord.	515
PRINCE HENRY	Let’s see what they be: read them.
PETO	[Reads] Item, A capon,. . 2s. 2d.
	Item, Sauce,. . . 4d.
	Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. 8d.
	Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d.	520
	Item, Bread, ob.
PRINCE HENRY	O monstrous! but one half-penny-worth of bread to
	this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else,
	keep close; we’ll read it at more advantage: there
	let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the	525
	morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place
	shall be honourable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a
	charge of foot; and I know his death will be a
	march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid
	back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in	530
	the morning; and so, good morrow, Peto.
[Exeunt]
PETO	Good morrow, good my lord.

Continue to Henry IV, Part I, Act 3, Scene 1