King Henry IV, Part I
ACT II SCENE I | Rochester. An inn yard. | |
[Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand] | ||
First Carrier | Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I’ll be | |
hanged: Charles’ wain is over the new chimney, and | ||
yet our horse not packed. What, ostler! | ||
Ostler | [Within] Anon, anon. | |
First Carrier | I prithee, Tom, beat Cut’s saddle, put a few flocks | 5 |
in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out | ||
of all cess. | ||
[Enter another Carrier] | ||
Second Carrier | Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that | |
is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this | ||
house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died. | 10 | |
First Carrier | Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats | |
rose; it was the death of him. | ||
Second Carrier | I think this be the most villanous house in all | |
London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench. | ||
First Carrier | Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne’er a king | 15 |
christen could be better bit than I have been since | ||
the first cock. | ||
Second Carrier | Why, they will allow us ne’er a jordan, and then we | |
leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds | ||
fleas like a loach. | 20 | |
First Carrier | What, ostler! come away and be hanged! | |
Second Carrier | I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger, | |
to be delivered as far as Charing-cross. | ||
First Carrier | God’s body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite | |
starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou | 25 | |
never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An | ||
’twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate | ||
on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged! | ||
hast thou no faith in thee? | ||
[Enter GADSHILL] | ||
GADSHILL | Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock? | 30 |
First Carrier | I think it be two o’clock. | |
GADSHILL | I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding | |
in the stable. | ||
First Carrier | Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i’ faith. | |
GADSHILL | I pray thee, lend me thine. | 35 |
Second Carrier | Ay, when? can’st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth | |
a? marry, I’ll see thee hanged first. | ||
GADSHILL | Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London? | |
Second Carrier | Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant | |
thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we’ll call up the | 40 | |
gentleman: they will along with company, for they | ||
have great charge. | ||
[Exeunt carriers] | ||
GADSHILL | What, ho! chamberlain! | |
Chamberlain | [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse. | |
GADSHILL | That’s even as fair as–at hand, quoth the | 45 |
chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking | ||
of purses than giving direction doth from labouring; | ||
thou layest the plot how. | ||
[Enter Chamberlain] | ||
Chamberlain | Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that | |
I told you yesternight: there’s a franklin in the | 50 | |
wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with | ||
him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his | ||
company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one | ||
that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. | ||
They are up already, and call for eggs and butter; | 55 | |
they will away presently. | ||
GADSHILL | Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’ | |
clerks, I’ll give thee this neck. | ||
Chamberlain | No, I’ll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the | |
hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas | 60 | |
as truly as a man of falsehood may. | ||
GADSHILL | What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, | |
I’ll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old | ||
Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no | ||
starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou | 65 | |
dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are | ||
content to do the profession some grace; that would, | ||
if matters should be looked into, for their own | ||
credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no | ||
foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, | 70 | |
none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; | ||
but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and | ||
great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will | ||
strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than | ||
drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds, | 75 | |
I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the | ||
commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey | ||
on her, for they ride up and down on her and make | ||
her their boots. | ||
Chamberlain | What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold | 80 |
out water in foul way? | ||
GADSHILL | She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We | |
steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receipt | ||
of fern-seed, we walk invisible. | ||
Chamberlain | Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to | 85 |
the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible. | ||
GADSHILL | Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our | |
purchase, as I am a true man. | ||
Chamberlain | Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief. | |
GADSHILL | Go to; ‘homo’ is a common name to all men. Bid the | 90 |
ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, | ||
you muddy knave. | ||
[Exeunt] |
Continue to Henry IV, Part I, Act 2, Scene 2