ACT II SCENE I

King Henry IV, Part I

ACT II SCENE I	Rochester. An inn yard.
[Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand]
First Carrier	Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I’ll be
	hanged: Charles’ wain is over the new chimney, and
	yet our horse not packed. What, ostler!
Ostler	[Within] Anon, anon.
First Carrier	I prithee, Tom, beat Cut’s saddle, put a few flocks	5
	in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out
	of all cess.
[Enter another Carrier]
Second Carrier	Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that
	is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this
	house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died.	10
First Carrier	Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats
	rose; it was the death of him.
Second Carrier	I think this be the most villanous house in all
	London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.
First Carrier	Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne’er a king	15
	christen could be better bit than I have been since
	the first cock.
Second Carrier	Why, they will allow us ne’er a jordan, and then we
	leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds
	fleas like a loach.	20
First Carrier	What, ostler! come away and be hanged!
Second Carrier	I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger,
	to be delivered as far as Charing-cross.
First Carrier	God’s body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite
	starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou	25
	never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An
	’twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate
	on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged!
	hast thou no faith in thee?
[Enter GADSHILL]
GADSHILL	Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock?	30
First Carrier	I think it be two o’clock.
GADSHILL	I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding
	in the stable.
First Carrier	Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i’ faith.
GADSHILL	I pray thee, lend me thine.	35
Second Carrier	Ay, when? can’st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth
	a? marry, I’ll see thee hanged first.
GADSHILL	Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
Second Carrier	Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant
	thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we’ll call up the	40
	gentleman: they will along with company, for they
	have great charge.
[Exeunt carriers]
GADSHILL	What, ho! chamberlain!
Chamberlain	[Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.
GADSHILL	That’s even as fair as–at hand, quoth the	45
	chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking
	of purses than giving direction doth from labouring;
	thou layest the plot how.
[Enter Chamberlain]
Chamberlain	Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that
	I told you yesternight: there’s a franklin in the	50
	wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with
	him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his
	company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one
	that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what.
	They are up already, and call for eggs and butter;	55
	they will away presently.
GADSHILL	Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’
	clerks, I’ll give thee this neck.
Chamberlain	No, I’ll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the
	hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas	60
	as truly as a man of falsehood may.
GADSHILL	What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang,
	I’ll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old
	Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no
	starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou	65
	dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are
	content to do the profession some grace; that would,
	if matters should be looked into, for their own
	credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no
	foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers,	70
	none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms;
	but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and
	great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will
	strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than
	drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds,	75
	I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the
	commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey
	on her, for they ride up and down on her and make
	her their boots.
Chamberlain	What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold	80
	out water in foul way?
GADSHILL	She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We
	steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receipt
	of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
Chamberlain	Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to	85
	the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.
GADSHILL	Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our
	purchase, as I am a true man.
Chamberlain	Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.
GADSHILL	Go to; ‘homo’ is a common name to all men. Bid the	90
	ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell,
	you muddy knave.
[Exeunt]

Continue to Henry IV, Part I, Act 2, Scene 2