King Henry IV, Part I
| ACT II SCENE I | Rochester. An inn yard. | |
| [Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand] | ||
| First Carrier | Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I’ll be | |
| hanged: Charles’ wain is over the new chimney, and | ||
| yet our horse not packed. What, ostler! | ||
| Ostler | [Within] Anon, anon. | |
| First Carrier | I prithee, Tom, beat Cut’s saddle, put a few flocks | 5 |
| in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out | ||
| of all cess. | ||
| [Enter another Carrier] | ||
| Second Carrier | Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that | |
| is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this | ||
| house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died. | 10 | |
| First Carrier | Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats | |
| rose; it was the death of him. | ||
| Second Carrier | I think this be the most villanous house in all | |
| London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench. | ||
| First Carrier | Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne’er a king | 15 |
| christen could be better bit than I have been since | ||
| the first cock. | ||
| Second Carrier | Why, they will allow us ne’er a jordan, and then we | |
| leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds | ||
| fleas like a loach. | 20 | |
| First Carrier | What, ostler! come away and be hanged! | |
| Second Carrier | I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger, | |
| to be delivered as far as Charing-cross. | ||
| First Carrier | God’s body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite | |
| starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou | 25 | |
| never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An | ||
| ’twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate | ||
| on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged! | ||
| hast thou no faith in thee? | ||
| [Enter GADSHILL] | ||
| GADSHILL | Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock? | 30 |
| First Carrier | I think it be two o’clock. | |
| GADSHILL | I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding | |
| in the stable. | ||
| First Carrier | Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i’ faith. | |
| GADSHILL | I pray thee, lend me thine. | 35 |
| Second Carrier | Ay, when? can’st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth | |
| a? marry, I’ll see thee hanged first. | ||
| GADSHILL | Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London? | |
| Second Carrier | Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant | |
| thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we’ll call up the | 40 | |
| gentleman: they will along with company, for they | ||
| have great charge. | ||
| [Exeunt carriers] | ||
| GADSHILL | What, ho! chamberlain! | |
| Chamberlain | [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse. | |
| GADSHILL | That’s even as fair as–at hand, quoth the | 45 |
| chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking | ||
| of purses than giving direction doth from labouring; | ||
| thou layest the plot how. | ||
| [Enter Chamberlain] | ||
| Chamberlain | Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that | |
| I told you yesternight: there’s a franklin in the | 50 | |
| wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with | ||
| him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his | ||
| company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one | ||
| that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. | ||
| They are up already, and call for eggs and butter; | 55 | |
| they will away presently. | ||
| GADSHILL | Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’ | |
| clerks, I’ll give thee this neck. | ||
| Chamberlain | No, I’ll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the | |
| hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas | 60 | |
| as truly as a man of falsehood may. | ||
| GADSHILL | What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, | |
| I’ll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old | ||
| Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no | ||
| starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou | 65 | |
| dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are | ||
| content to do the profession some grace; that would, | ||
| if matters should be looked into, for their own | ||
| credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no | ||
| foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, | 70 | |
| none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; | ||
| but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and | ||
| great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will | ||
| strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than | ||
| drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds, | 75 | |
| I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the | ||
| commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey | ||
| on her, for they ride up and down on her and make | ||
| her their boots. | ||
| Chamberlain | What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold | 80 |
| out water in foul way? | ||
| GADSHILL | She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We | |
| steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receipt | ||
| of fern-seed, we walk invisible. | ||
| Chamberlain | Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to | 85 |
| the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible. | ||
| GADSHILL | Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our | |
| purchase, as I am a true man. | ||
| Chamberlain | Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief. | |
| GADSHILL | Go to; ‘homo’ is a common name to all men. Bid the | 90 |
| ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, | ||
| you muddy knave. | ||
| [Exeunt] | ||
Continue to Henry IV, Part I, Act 2, Scene 2