All’s Well That Ends Well
| ACT II SCENE III | Paris. The KING’s palace. | |
| [Enter BERTRAM, LAFEU, and PAROLLES] | ||
| LAFEU | They say miracles are past; and we have our | |
| philosophical persons, to make modern and familiar, | ||
| things supernatural and causeless. Hence is it that | ||
| we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves | ||
| into seeming knowledge, when we should submit | 5 | |
| ourselves to an unknown fear. | ||
| PAROLLES | Why, ’tis the rarest argument of wonder that hath | |
| shot out in our latter times. | ||
| BERTRAM | And so ’tis. | |
| LAFEU | To be relinquish’d of the artists,– | 10 |
| PAROLLES | So I say. | |
| LAFEU | Both of Galen and Paracelsus. | |
| PAROLLES | So I say. | |
| LAFEU | Of all the learned and authentic fellows,– | |
| PAROLLES | Right; so I say. | 15 |
| LAFEU | That gave him out incurable,– | |
| PAROLLES | Why, there ’tis; so say I too. | |
| LAFEU | Not to be helped,– | |
| PAROLLES | Right; as ’twere, a man assured of a– | |
| LAFEU | Uncertain life, and sure death. | 20 |
| PAROLLES | Just, you say well; so would I have said. | |
| LAFEU | I may truly say, it is a novelty to the world. | |
| PAROLLES | It is, indeed: if you will have it in showing, you | |
| shall read it in–what do you call there? | ||
| LAFEU | A showing of a heavenly effect in an earthly actor. | 25 |
| PAROLLES | That’s it; I would have said the very same. | |
| LAFEU | Why, your dolphin is not lustier: ‘fore me, | |
| I speak in respect– | ||
| PAROLLES | Nay, ’tis strange, ’tis very strange, that is the | |
| brief and the tedious of it; and he’s of a most | 30 | |
| facinerious spirit that will not acknowledge it to be the– | ||
| LAFEU | Very hand of heaven. | |
| PAROLLES | Ay, so I say. | |
| LAFEU | In a most weak– | |
| [pausing] | ||
| and debile minister, great power, great | 35 | |
| transcendence: which should, indeed, give us a | ||
| further use to be made than alone the recovery of | ||
| the king, as to be– | ||
| [pausing] | ||
| generally thankful. | ||
| PAROLLES | I would have said it; you say well. Here comes the king. | 40 |
| [ Enter KING, HELENA, and Attendants. LAFEU and PAROLLES retire ] | ||
| LAFEU | Lustig, as the Dutchman says: I’ll like a maid the | |
| better, whilst I have a tooth in my head: why, he’s | ||
| able to lead her a coranto. | ||
| PAROLLES | Mort du vinaigre! is not this Helen? | |
| LAFEU | ‘Fore God, I think so. | 45 |
| KING | Go, call before me all the lords in court. | |
| Sit, my preserver, by thy patient’s side; | ||
| And with this healthful hand, whose banish’d sense | ||
| Thou hast repeal’d, a second time receive | ||
| The confirmation of my promised gift, | 50 | |
| Which but attends thy naming. | ||
| [Enter three or four Lords] | ||
| Fair maid, send forth thine eye: this youthful parcel | ||
| Of noble bachelors stand at my bestowing, | ||
| O’er whom both sovereign power and father’s voice | ||
| I have to use: thy frank election make; | 55 | |
| Thou hast power to choose, and they none to forsake. | ||
| HELENA | To each of you one fair and virtuous mistress | |
| Fall, when Love please! marry, to each, but one! | ||
| LAFEU | I’ld give bay Curtal and his furniture, | |
| My mouth no more were broken than these boys’, | 60 | |
| And writ as little beard. | ||
| KING | Peruse them well: | |
| Not one of those but had a noble father. | ||
| HELENA | Gentlemen, | |
| Heaven hath through me restored the king to health. | 65 | |
| All | We understand it, and thank heaven for you. | |
| HELENA | I am a simple maid, and therein wealthiest, | |
| That I protest I simply am a maid. | ||
| Please it your majesty, I have done already: | ||
| The blushes in my cheeks thus whisper me, | 70 | |
| ‘We blush that thou shouldst choose; but, be refused, | ||
| Let the white death sit on thy cheek for ever; | ||
| We’ll ne’er come there again.’ | ||
| KING | Make choice; and, see, | |
| Who shuns thy love shuns all his love in me. | 75 | |
| HELENA | Now, Dian, from thy altar do I fly, | |
| And to imperial Love, that god most high, | ||
| Do my sighs stream. Sir, will you hear my suit? | ||
| First Lord | And grant it. | |
| HELENA | Thanks, sir; all the rest is mute. | 80 |
| LAFEU | I had rather be in this choice than throw ames-ace | |
| for my life. | ||
| HELENA | The honour, sir, that flames in your fair eyes, | |
| Before I speak, too threateningly replies: | ||
| Love make your fortunes twenty times above | 85 | |
| Her that so wishes and her humble love! | ||
| Second Lord | No better, if you please. | |
| HELENA | My wish receive, | |
| Which great Love grant! and so, I take my leave. | ||
| LAFEU | Do all they deny her? An they were sons of mine, | 90 |
| I’d have them whipped; or I would send them to the | ||
| Turk, to make eunuchs of. | ||
| HELENA | Be not afraid that I your hand should take; | |
| I’ll never do you wrong for your own sake: | ||
| Blessing upon your vows! and in your bed | 95 | |
| Find fairer fortune, if you ever wed! | ||
| LAFEU | These boys are boys of ice, they’ll none have her: | |
| sure, they are bastards to the English; the French | ||
| ne’er got ’em. | ||
| HELENA | You are too young, too happy, and too good, | 100 |
| To make yourself a son out of my blood. | ||
| Fourth Lord | Fair one, I think not so. | |
| LAFEU | There’s one grape yet; I am sure thy father drunk | |
| wine: but if thou be’st not an ass, I am a youth | ||
| of fourteen; I have known thee already. | 105 | |
| HELENA | [To BERTRAM] I dare not say I take you; but I give | |
| Me and my service, ever whilst I live, | ||
| Into your guiding power. This is the man. | ||
| KING | Why, then, young Bertram, take her; she’s thy wife. | |
| BERTRAM | My wife, my liege! I shall beseech your highness, | 110 |
| In such a business give me leave to use | ||
| The help of mine own eyes. | ||
| KING | Know’st thou not, Bertram, | |
| What she has done for me? | ||
| BERTRAM | Yes, my good lord; | 115 |
| But never hope to know why I should marry her. | ||
| KING | Thou know’st she has raised me from my sickly bed. | |
| BERTRAM | But follows it, my lord, to bring me down | |
| Must answer for your raising? I know her well: | ||
| She had her breeding at my father’s charge. | 120 | |
| A poor physician’s daughter my wife! Disdain | ||
| Rather corrupt me ever! | ||
| KING | ‘Tis only title thou disdain’st in her, the which | |
| I can build up. Strange is it that our bloods, | ||
| Of colour, weight, and heat, pour’d all together, | 125 | |
| Would quite confound distinction, yet stand off | ||
| In differences so mighty. If she be | ||
| All that is virtuous, save what thou dislikest, | ||
| A poor physician’s daughter, thou dislikest | ||
| Of virtue for the name: but do not so: | 130 | |
| From lowest place when virtuous things proceed, | ||
| The place is dignified by the doer’s deed: | ||
| Where great additions swell’s, and virtue none, | ||
| It is a dropsied honour. Good alone | ||
| Is good without a name. Vileness is so: | 135 | |
| The property by what it is should go, | ||
| Not by the title. She is young, wise, fair; | ||
| In these to nature she’s immediate heir, | ||
| And these breed honour: that is honour’s scorn, | ||
| Which challenges itself as honour’s born | 140 | |
| And is not like the sire: honours thrive, | ||
| When rather from our acts we them derive | ||
| Than our foregoers: the mere word’s a slave | ||
| Debosh’d on every tomb, on every grave | ||
| A lying trophy, and as oft is dumb | 145 | |
| Where dust and damn’d oblivion is the tomb | ||
| Of honour’d bones indeed. What should be said? | ||
| If thou canst like this creature as a maid, | ||
| I can create the rest: virtue and she | ||
| Is her own dower; honour and wealth from me. | 150 | |
| BERTRAM | I cannot love her, nor will strive to do’t. | |
| KING | Thou wrong’st thyself, if thou shouldst strive to choose. | |
| HELENA | That you are well restored, my lord, I’m glad: | |
| Let the rest go. | ||
| KING | My honour’s at the stake; which to defeat, | 155 |
| I must produce my power. Here, take her hand, | ||
| Proud scornful boy, unworthy this good gift; | ||
| That dost in vile misprision shackle up | ||
| My love and her desert; that canst not dream, | ||
| We, poising us in her defective scale, | 160 | |
| Shall weigh thee to the beam; that wilt not know, | ||
| It is in us to plant thine honour where | ||
| We please to have it grow. Cheque thy contempt: | ||
| Obey our will, which travails in thy good: | ||
| Believe not thy disdain, but presently | 165 | |
| Do thine own fortunes that obedient right | ||
| Which both thy duty owes and our power claims; | ||
| Or I will throw thee from my care for ever | ||
| Into the staggers and the careless lapse | ||
| Of youth and ignorance; both my revenge and hate | 170 | |
| Loosing upon thee, in the name of justice, | ||
| Without all terms of pity. Speak; thine answer. | ||
| BERTRAM | Pardon, my gracious lord; for I submit | |
| My fancy to your eyes: when I consider | ||
| What great creation and what dole of honour | 175 | |
| Flies where you bid it, I find that she, which late | ||
| Was in my nobler thoughts most base, is now | ||
| The praised of the king; who, so ennobled, | ||
| Is as ’twere born so. | ||
| KING | Take her by the hand, | 180 |
| And tell her she is thine: to whom I promise | ||
| A counterpoise, if not to thy estate | ||
| A balance more replete. | ||
| BERTRAM | I take her hand. | |
| KING | Good fortune and the favour of the king | 185 |
| Smile upon this contract; whose ceremony | ||
| Shall seem expedient on the now-born brief, | ||
| And be perform’d to-night: the solemn feast | ||
| Shall more attend upon the coming space, | ||
| Expecting absent friends. As thou lovest her, | 190 | |
| Thy love’s to me religious; else, does err. | ||
| [Exeunt all but LAFEU and PAROLLES] | ||
| LAFEU | [Advancing] Do you hear, monsieur? a word with you. | |
| PAROLLES | Your pleasure, sir? | |
| LAFEU | Your lord and master did well to make his | |
| recantation. | 195 | |
| PAROLLES | Recantation! My lord! my master! | |
| LAFEU | Ay; is it not a language I speak? | |
| PAROLLES | A most harsh one, and not to be understood without | |
| bloody succeeding. My master! | ||
| LAFEU | Are you companion to the Count Rousillon? | 200 |
| PAROLLES | To any count, to all counts, to what is man. | |
| LAFEU | To what is count’s man: count’s master is of | |
| another style. | ||
| PAROLLES | You are too old, sir; let it satisfy you, you are too old. | |
| LAFEU | I must tell thee, sirrah, I write man; to which | 205 |
| title age cannot bring thee. | ||
| PAROLLES | What I dare too well do, I dare not do. | |
| LAFEU | I did think thee, for two ordinaries, to be a pretty | |
| wise fellow; thou didst make tolerable vent of thy | ||
| travel; it might pass: yet the scarfs and the | 210 | |
| bannerets about thee did manifoldly dissuade me from | ||
| believing thee a vessel of too great a burthen. I | ||
| have now found thee; when I lose thee again, I care | ||
| not: yet art thou good for nothing but taking up; and | ||
| that thou’t scarce worth. | 215 | |
| PAROLLES | Hadst thou not the privilege of antiquity upon thee,– | |
| LAFEU | Do not plunge thyself too far in anger, lest thou | |
| hasten thy trial; which if–Lord have mercy on thee | ||
| for a hen! So, my good window of lattice, fare thee | ||
| well: thy casement I need not open, for I look | 220 | |
| through thee. Give me thy hand. | ||
| PAROLLES | My lord, you give me most egregious indignity. | |
| LAFEU | Ay, with all my heart; and thou art worthy of it. | |
| PAROLLES | I have not, my lord, deserved it. | |
| LAFEU | Yes, good faith, every dram of it; and I will not | 225 |
| bate thee a scruple. | ||
| PAROLLES | Well, I shall be wiser. | |
| LAFEU | Even as soon as thou canst, for thou hast to pull at | |
| a smack o’ the contrary. If ever thou be’st bound | ||
| in thy scarf and beaten, thou shalt find what it is | 230 | |
| to be proud of thy bondage. I have a desire to hold | ||
| my acquaintance with thee, or rather my knowledge, | ||
| that I may say in the default, he is a man I know. | ||
| PAROLLES | My lord, you do me most insupportable vexation. | |
| LAFEU | I would it were hell-pains for thy sake, and my poor | 235 |
| doing eternal: for doing I am past: as I will by | ||
| thee, in what motion age will give me leave. | ||
| [Exit] | ||
| PAROLLES | Well, thou hast a son shall take this disgrace off | |
| me; scurvy, old, filthy, scurvy lord! Well, I must | ||
| be patient; there is no fettering of authority. | 240 | |
| I’ll beat him, by my life, if I can meet him with | ||
| any convenience, an he were double and double a | ||
| lord. I’ll have no more pity of his age than I | ||
| would of–I’ll beat him, an if I could but meet him again. | ||
| [Re-enter LAFEU] | ||
| LAFEU | Sirrah, your lord and master’s married; there’s news | 245 |
| for you: you have a new mistress. | ||
| PAROLLES | I most unfeignedly beseech your lordship to make | |
| some reservation of your wrongs: he is my good | ||
| lord: whom I serve above is my master. | ||
| LAFEU | Who? God? | 250 |
| PAROLLES | Ay, sir. | |
| LAFEU | The devil it is that’s thy master. Why dost thou | |
| garter up thy arms o’ this fashion? dost make hose of | ||
| sleeves? do other servants so? Thou wert best set | ||
| thy lower part where thy nose stands. By mine | 255 | |
| honour, if I were but two hours younger, I’ld beat | ||
| thee: methinks, thou art a general offence, and | ||
| every man should beat thee: I think thou wast | ||
| created for men to breathe themselves upon thee. | ||
| PAROLLES | This is hard and undeserved measure, my lord. | 260 |
| LAFEU | Go to, sir; you were beaten in Italy for picking a | |
| kernel out of a pomegranate; you are a vagabond and | ||
| no true traveller: you are more saucy with lords | ||
| and honourable personages than the commission of your | ||
| birth and virtue gives you heraldry. You are not | 265 | |
| worth another word, else I’ld call you knave. I leave you. | ||
| [Exit] | ||
| PAROLLES | Good, very good; it is so then: good, very good; | |
| let it be concealed awhile. | ||
| [Re-enter BERTRAM] | ||
| BERTRAM | Undone, and forfeited to cares for ever! | |
| PAROLLES | What’s the matter, sweet-heart? | 270 |
| BERTRAM | Although before the solemn priest I have sworn, | |
| I will not bed her. | ||
| PAROLLES | What, what, sweet-heart? | |
| BERTRAM | O my Parolles, they have married me! | |
| I’ll to the Tuscan wars, and never bed her. | 275 | |
| PAROLLES | France is a dog-hole, and it no more merits | |
| The tread of a man’s foot: to the wars! | ||
| BERTRAM | There’s letters from my mother: what the import is, | |
| I know not yet. | ||
| PAROLLES | Ay, that would be known. To the wars, my boy, to the wars! | 280 |
| He wears his honour in a box unseen, | ||
| That hugs his kicky-wicky here at home, | ||
| Spending his manly marrow in her arms, | ||
| Which should sustain the bound and high curvet | ||
| Of Mars’s fiery steed. To other regions | 285 | |
| France is a stable; we that dwell in’t jades; | ||
| Therefore, to the war! | ||
| BERTRAM | It shall be so: I’ll send her to my house, | |
| Acquaint my mother with my hate to her, | ||
| And wherefore I am fled; write to the king | 290 | |
| That which I durst not speak; his present gift | ||
| Shall furnish me to those Italian fields, | ||
| Where noble fellows strike: war is no strife | ||
| To the dark house and the detested wife. | ||
| PAROLLES | Will this capriccio hold in thee? art sure? | 295 |
| BERTRAM | Go with me to my chamber, and advise me. | |
| I’ll send her straight away: to-morrow | ||
| I’ll to the wars, she to her single sorrow. | ||
| PAROLLES | Why, these balls bound; there’s noise in it. ‘Tis hard: | |
| A young man married is a man that’s marr’d: | 300 | |
| Therefore away, and leave her bravely; go: | ||
| The king has done you wrong: but, hush, ’tis so. | ||
| [Exeunt] | ||
Next: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 2, Scene 4