ACT III SCENE I

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Twelfth Night

 

ACT III SCENE IOLIVIA’s garden.
Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour
VIOLASave thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
thy tabour?
ClownNo, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLAArt thou a churchman? 5
ClownNo such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
the church.
VIOLASo thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy 10
tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.
ClownYou have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
wrong side may be turned outward!
VIOLANay, that’s certain; they that dally nicely with 15
words may quickly make them wanton.
ClownI would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
VIOLAWhy, man?
ClownWhy, sir, her name’s a word; and to dally with that
word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words 20
are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.
VIOLAThy reason, man?
ClownTroth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
reason with them. 25
VIOLAI warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.
ClownNot so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
VIOLAArt not thou the Lady Olivia’s fool? 30
ClownNo, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
herrings; the husband’s the bigger: I am indeed not
her fool, but her corrupter of words. 35
VIOLAI saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.
ClownFoolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
the fool should be as oft with your master as with
my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there. 40
VIOLANay, an thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with thee.
Hold, there’s expenses for thee.
ClownNow Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
VIOLABy my troth, I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for
one; 45
Aside
though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy
lady within?
ClownWould not a pair of these have bred, sir?
VIOLAYes, being kept together and put to use.
ClownI would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring 50
a Cressida to this Troilus.
VIOLAI understand you, sir; ’tis well begged.
ClownThe matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
within, sir. I will construe to them whence you 55
come; who you are and what you would are out of my
welkin, I might say ‘element,’ but the word is over-worn.
Exit
VIOLAThis fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
He must observe their mood on whom he jests, 60
The quality of persons, and the time,
And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather
That comes before his eye. This is a practise
As full of labour as a wise man’s art
For folly that he wisely shows is fit; 65
But wise men, folly-fall’n, quite taint their wit.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW
SIR TOBY BELCHSave you, gentleman.
VIOLAAnd you, sir.
SIR ANDREWDieu vous garde, monsieur.
VIOLAEt vous aussi; votre serviteur. 70
SIR ANDREWI hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.
SIR TOBY BELCHWill you encounter the house? my niece is desirous
you should enter, if your trade be to her.
VIOLAI am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
list of my voyage. 75
SIR TOBY BELCHTaste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
VIOLAMy legs do better understand me, sir, than I
understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.
SIR TOBY BELCHI mean, to go, sir, to enter.
VIOLAI will answer you with gait and entrance. But we 80
are prevented.
Enter OLIVIA and MARIA
Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
odours on you!
SIR ANDREWThat youth’s a rare courtier: ‘Rain odours;’ well.
VIOLAMy matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnant 85
and vouchsafed ear.
SIR ANDREW‘Odours,’ ‘pregnant’ and ‘vouchsafed:’ I’ll get ’em
all three all ready.
OLIVIALet the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA
Give me your hand, sir. 90
VIOLAMy duty, madam, and most humble service.
OLIVIAWhat is your name?
VIOLACesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.
OLIVIAMy servant, sir! ‘Twas never merry world
Since lowly feigning was call’d compliment: 95
You’re servant to the Count Orsino, youth.
VIOLAAnd he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.
OLIVIAFor him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
Would they were blanks, rather than fill’d with me! 100
VIOLAMadam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
On his behalf.
OLIVIAO, by your leave, I pray you,
I bade you never speak again of him:
But, would you undertake another suit, 105
I had rather hear you to solicit that
Than music from the spheres.
VIOLADear lady,–
OLIVIAGive me leave, beseech you. I did send,
After the last enchantment you did here, 110
A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse
Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:
Under your hard construction must I sit,
To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,
Which you knew none of yours: what might you think? 115
Have you not set mine honour at the stake
And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving
Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,
Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak. 120
VIOLAI pity you.
OLIVIAThat’s a degree to love.
VIOLANo, not a grize; for ’tis a vulgar proof,
That very oft we pity enemies.
OLIVIAWhy, then, methinks ’tis time to smile again. 125
O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
If one should be a prey, how much the better
To fall before the lion than the wolf!
Clock strikes
The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you: 130
And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,
Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
There lies your way, due west.
VIOLAThen westward-ho! Grace and good disposition
Attend your ladyship! 135
You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?
OLIVIAStay:
I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.
VIOLAThat you do think you are not what you are.
OLIVIAIf I think so, I think the same of you. 140
VIOLAThen think you right: I am not what I am.
OLIVIAI would you were as I would have you be!
VIOLAWould it be better, madam, than I am?
I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
OLIVIAO, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful 145
In the contempt and anger of his lip!
A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon
Than love that would seem hid: love’s night is noon.
Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing, 150
I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,
But rather reason thus with reason fetter, 155
Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
VIOLABy innocence I swear, and by my youth
I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
And that no woman has; nor never none
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone. 160
And so adieu, good madam: never more
Will I my master’s tears to you deplore.
OLIVIAYet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move
That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.
Exeunt