Troilus and Cressida
ACT I SCENE II | The same. A street. | |
[Enter CRESSIDA and ALEXANDER] | ||
CRESSIDA | Who were those went by? | |
ALEXANDER | Queen Hecuba and Helen. | |
CRESSIDA | And whither go they? | |
ALEXANDER | Up to the eastern tower, | |
Whose height commands as subject all the vale, | 5 | |
To see the battle. Hector, whose patience | ||
Is, as a virtue, fix’d, to-day was moved: | ||
He chid Andromache and struck his armourer, | ||
And, like as there were husbandry in war, | ||
Before the sun rose he was harness’d light, | 10 | |
And to the field goes he; where every flower | ||
Did, as a prophet, weep what it foresaw | ||
In Hector’s wrath. | ||
CRESSIDA | What was his cause of anger? | |
ALEXANDER | The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks | 15 |
A lord of Trojan blood, nephew to Hector; | ||
They call him Ajax. | ||
CRESSIDA | Good; and what of him? | |
ALEXANDER | They say he is a very man per se, | |
And stands alone. | 20 | |
CRESSIDA | So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs. | |
ALEXANDER | This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their | |
particular additions; he is as valiant as the lion, | ||
churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant: a man | ||
into whom nature hath so crowded humours that his | 25 | |
valour is crushed into folly, his folly sauced with | ||
discretion: there is no man hath a virtue that he | ||
hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he | ||
carries some stain of it: he is melancholy without | ||
cause, and merry against the hair: he hath the | 30 | |
joints of every thing, but everything so out of joint | ||
that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, | ||
or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight. | ||
CRESSIDA | But how should this man, that makes | |
me smile, make Hector angry? | 35 | |
ALEXANDER | They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and | |
struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath | ||
ever since kept Hector fasting and waking. | ||
CRESSIDA | Who comes here? | |
ALEXANDER | Madam, your uncle Pandarus. | 40 |
[Enter PANDARUS] | ||
CRESSIDA | Hector’s a gallant man. | |
ALEXANDER | As may be in the world, lady. | |
PANDARUS | What’s that? what’s that? | |
CRESSIDA | Good morrow, uncle Pandarus. | |
PANDARUS | Good morrow, cousin Cressid: what do you talk of? | 45 |
Good morrow, Alexander. How do you, cousin? When | ||
were you at Ilium? | ||
CRESSIDA | This morning, uncle. | |
PANDARUS | What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector | |
armed and gone ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was not | 50 | |
up, was she? | ||
CRESSIDA | Hector was gone, but Helen was not up. | |
PANDARUS | Even so: Hector was stirring early. | |
CRESSIDA | That were we talking of, and of his anger. | |
PANDARUS | Was he angry? | 55 |
CRESSIDA | So he says here. | |
PANDARUS | True, he was so: I know the cause too: he’ll lay | |
about him to-day, I can tell them that: and there’s | ||
Troilus will not come far behind him: let them take | ||
heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too. | 60 | |
CRESSIDA | What, is he angry too? | |
PANDARUS | Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two. | |
CRESSIDA | O Jupiter! there’s no comparison. | |
PANDARUS | What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a | |
man if you see him? | 65 | |
CRESSIDA | Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him. | |
PANDARUS | Well, I say Troilus is Troilus. | |
CRESSIDA | Then you say as I say; for, I am sure, he is not Hector. | |
PANDARUS | No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees. | |
CRESSIDA | ‘Tis just to each of them; he is himself. | 70 |
PANDARUS | Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were. | |
CRESSIDA | So he is. | |
PANDARUS | Condition, I had gone barefoot to India. | |
CRESSIDA | He is not Hector. | |
PANDARUS | Himself! no, he’s not himself: would a’ were | 75 |
himself! Well, the gods are above; time must friend | ||
or end: well, Troilus, well: I would my heart were | ||
in her body. No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus. | ||
CRESSIDA | Excuse me. | |
PANDARUS | He is elder. | 80 |
CRESSIDA | Pardon me, pardon me. | |
PANDARUS | Th’ other’s not come to’t; you shall tell me another | |
tale, when th’ other’s come to’t. Hector shall not | ||
have his wit this year. | ||
CRESSIDA | He shall not need it, if he have his own. | 85 |
PANDARUS | Nor his qualities. | |
CRESSIDA | No matter. | |
PANDARUS | Nor his beauty. | |
CRESSIDA | ‘Twould not become him; his own’s better. | |
PANDARUS | You have no judgment, niece: Helen | 90 |
herself swore th’ other day, that Troilus, for | ||
a brown favour–for so ’tis, I must confess,– | ||
not brown neither,– | ||
CRESSIDA | No, but brown. | |
PANDARUS | ‘Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown. | 95 |
CRESSIDA | To say the truth, true and not true. | |
PANDARUS | She praised his complexion above Paris. | |
CRESSIDA | Why, Paris hath colour enough. | |
PANDARUS | So he has. | |
CRESSIDA | Then Troilus should have too much: if she praised | 100 |
him above, his complexion is higher than his; he | ||
having colour enough, and the other higher, is too | ||
flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as | ||
lief Helen’s golden tongue had commended Troilus for | ||
a copper nose. | 105 | |
PANDARUS | I swear to you. I think Helen loves him better than Paris. | |
CRESSIDA | Then she’s a merry Greek indeed. | |
PANDARUS | Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th’ other | |
day into the compassed window,–and, you know, he | ||
has not past three or four hairs on his chin,– | 110 | |
CRESSIDA | Indeed, a tapster’s arithmetic may soon bring his | |
particulars therein to a total. | ||
PANDARUS | Why, he is very young: and yet will he, within | |
three pound, lift as much as his brother Hector. | ||
CRESSIDA | Is he so young a man and so old a lifter? | 115 |
PANDARUS | But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came | |
and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin– | ||
CRESSIDA | Juno have mercy! how came it cloven? | |
PANDARUS | Why, you know ’tis dimpled: I think his smiling | |
becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia. | 120 | |
CRESSIDA | O, he smiles valiantly. | |
PANDARUS | Does he not? | |
CRESSIDA | O yes, an ’twere a cloud in autumn. | |
PANDARUS | Why, go to, then: but to prove to you that Helen | |
loves Troilus,– | 125 | |
CRESSIDA | Troilus will stand to the proof, if you’ll | |
prove it so. | ||
PANDARUS | Troilus! why, he esteems her no more than I esteem | |
an addle egg. | ||
CRESSIDA | If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle | 130 |
head, you would eat chickens i’ the shell. | ||
PANDARUS | I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled | |
his chin: indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I | ||
must needs confess,– | ||
CRESSIDA | Without the rack. | 135 |
PANDARUS | And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin. | |
CRESSIDA | Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer. | |
PANDARUS | But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed | |
that her eyes ran o’er. | ||
CRESSIDA | With mill-stones. | 140 |
PANDARUS | And Cassandra laughed. | |
CRESSIDA | But there was more temperate fire under the pot of | |
her eyes: did her eyes run o’er too? | ||
PANDARUS | And Hector laughed. | |
CRESSIDA | At what was all this laughing? | 145 |
PANDARUS | Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus’ chin. | |
CRESSIDA | An’t had been a green hair, I should have laughed | |
too. | ||
PANDARUS | They laughed not so much at the hair as at his pretty answer. | |
CRESSIDA | What was his answer? | 150 |
PANDARUS | Quoth she, ‘Here’s but two and fifty hairs on your | |
chin, and one of them is white. | ||
CRESSIDA | This is her question. | |
PANDARUS | That’s true; make no question of that. ‘Two and | |
fifty hairs’ quoth he, ‘and one white: that white | 155 | |
hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons.’ | ||
‘Jupiter!’ quoth she, ‘which of these hairs is Paris, | ||
my husband? ‘The forked one,’ quoth he, ‘pluck’t | ||
out, and give it him.’ But there was such laughing! | ||
and Helen so blushed, an Paris so chafed, and all the | 160 | |
rest so laughed, that it passed. | ||
CRESSIDA | So let it now; for it has been while going by. | |
PANDARUS | Well, cousin. I told you a thing yesterday; think on’t. | |
CRESSIDA | So I do. | |
PANDARUS | I’ll be sworn ’tis true; he will weep you, an ’twere | 165 |
a man born in April. | ||
CRESSIDA | And I’ll spring up in his tears, an ’twere a nettle | |
against May. | ||
[A retreat sounded] | ||
PANDARUS | Hark! they are coming from the field: shall we | |
stand up here, and see them as they pass toward | 170 | |
Ilium? good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida. | ||
CRESSIDA | At your pleasure. | |
PANDARUS | Here, here, here’s an excellent place; here we may | |
see most bravely: I’ll tell you them all by their | ||
names as they pass by; but mark Troilus above the rest. | 175 | |
CRESSIDA | Speak not so loud. | |
[AENEAS passes] | ||
PANDARUS | That’s AEneas: is not that a brave man? he’s one of | |
the flowers of Troy, I can tell you: but mark | ||
Troilus; you shall see anon. | ||
[ANTENOR passes] | ||
CRESSIDA | Who’s that? | 180 |
PANDARUS | That’s Antenor: he has a shrewd wit, I can tell you; | |
and he’s a man good enough, he’s one o’ the soundest | ||
judgments in whosoever, and a proper man of person. | ||
When comes Troilus? I’ll show you Troilus anon: if | ||
he see me, you shall see him nod at me. | 185 | |
CRESSIDA | Will he give you the nod? | |
PANDARUS | You shall see. | |
CRESSIDA | If he do, the rich shall have more. | |
[HECTOR passes] | ||
PANDARUS | That’s Hector, that, that, look you, that; there’s a | |
fellow! Go thy way, Hector! There’s a brave man, | 190 | |
niece. O brave Hector! Look how he looks! there’s | ||
a countenance! is’t not a brave man? | ||
CRESSIDA | O, a brave man! | |
PANDARUS | Is a’ not? it does a man’s heart good. Look you | |
what hacks are on his helmet! look you yonder, do | 195 | |
you see? look you there: there’s no jesting; | ||
there’s laying on, take’t off who will, as they say: | ||
there be hacks! | ||
CRESSIDA | Be those with swords? | |
PANDARUS | Swords! any thing, he cares not; an the devil come | 200 |
to him, it’s all one: by God’s lid, it does one’s | ||
heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris. | ||
[PARIS passes] | ||
Look ye yonder, niece; is’t not a gallant man too, | ||
is’t not? Why, this is brave now. Who said he came | ||
hurt home to-day? he’s not hurt: why, this will do | 205 | |
Helen’s heart good now, ha! Would I could see | ||
Troilus now! You shall see Troilus anon. | ||
[HELENUS passes] | ||
CRESSIDA | Who’s that? | |
PANDARUS | That’s Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That’s | |
Helenus. I think he went not forth to-day. That’s Helenus. | 210 | |
CRESSIDA | Can Helenus fight, uncle? | |
PANDARUS | Helenus? no. Yes, he’ll fight indifferent well. I | |
marvel where Troilus is. Hark! do you not hear the | ||
people cry ‘Troilus’? Helenus is a priest. | ||
CRESSIDA | What sneaking fellow comes yonder? | 215 |
[TROILUS passes] | ||
PANDARUS | Where? yonder? that’s Deiphobus. ‘Tis Troilus! | |
there’s a man, niece! Hem! Brave Troilus! the | ||
prince of chivalry! | ||
CRESSIDA | Peace, for shame, peace! | |
PANDARUS | Mark him; note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon | 220 |
him, niece: look you how his sword is bloodied, and | ||
his helm more hacked than Hector’s, and how he looks, | ||
and how he goes! O admirable youth! he ne’er saw | ||
three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way! | ||
Had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess, | 225 | |
he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? | ||
Paris is dirt to him; and, I warrant, Helen, to | ||
change, would give an eye to boot. | ||
CRESSIDA | Here come more. | |
[Forces pass] | ||
PANDARUS | Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran! | 230 |
porridge after meat! I could live and die i’ the | ||
eyes of Troilus. Ne’er look, ne’er look: the eagles | ||
are gone: crows and daws, crows and daws! I had | ||
rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and | ||
all Greece. | 235 | |
CRESSIDA | There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus. | |
PANDARUS | Achilles! a drayman, a porter, a very camel. | |
CRESSIDA | Well, well. | |
PANDARUS | ‘Well, well!’ why, have you any discretion? have | |
you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not | 240 | |
birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood, | ||
learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality, | ||
and such like, the spice and salt that season a man? | ||
CRESSIDA | Ay, a minced man: and then to be baked with no date | |
in the pie, for then the man’s date’s out. | 245 | |
PANDARUS | You are such a woman! one knows not at what ward you | |
lie. | ||
CRESSIDA | Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to | |
defend my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend mine | ||
honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty; and you, to | 250 | |
defend all these: and at all these wards I lie, at a | ||
thousand watches. | ||
PANDARUS | Say one of your watches. | |
CRESSIDA | Nay, I’ll watch you for that; and that’s one of the | |
chiefest of them too: if I cannot ward what I would | 255 | |
not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took | ||
the blow; unless it swell past hiding, and then it’s | ||
past watching. | ||
PANDARUS | You are such another! | |
[Enter Troilus’s Boy] | ||
Boy | Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you. | 260 |
PANDARUS | Where? | |
Boy | At your own house; there he unarms him. | |
PANDARUS | Good boy, tell him I come. | |
[Exit boy] | ||
I doubt he be hurt. Fare ye well, good niece. | ||
CRESSIDA | Adieu, uncle. | 265 |
PANDARUS | I’ll be with you, niece, by and by. | |
CRESSIDA | To bring, uncle? | |
PANDARUS | Ay, a token from Troilus. | |
CRESSIDA | By the same token, you are a bawd. | |
[Exit PANDARUS] | ||
Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love’s full sacrifice, | 270 | |
He offers in another’s enterprise; | ||
But more in Troilus thousand fold I see | ||
Than in the glass of Pandar’s praise may be; | ||
Yet hold I off. Women are angels, wooing: | ||
Things won are done; joy’s soul lies in the doing. | 275 | |
That she beloved knows nought that knows not this: | ||
Men prize the thing ungain’d more than it is: | ||
That she was never yet that ever knew | ||
Love got so sweet as when desire did sue. | ||
Therefore this maxim out of love I teach: | 280 | |
Achievement is command; ungain’d, beseech: | ||
Then though my heart’s content firm love doth bear, | ||
Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear. | ||
[Exeunt] |
Troilus and Cressida, Act 1, Scene 3