The Merry Wives of Windsor
ACT III SCENE I | A field near Frogmore. | |
[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE] | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | I pray you now, good master Slender’s serving-man, | |
and friend Simple by your name, which way have you | ||
looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic? | ||
SIMPLE | Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every | |
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town | 5 | |
way. | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | I most fehemently desire you you will also look that | |
way. | ||
SIMPLE | I will, sir. | |
[Exit] | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | ‘Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and | 10 |
trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have | ||
deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog | ||
his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have | ||
good opportunities for the ork. ‘Pless my soul! | ||
[Sings] | ||
To shallow rivers, to whose falls | 15 | |
Melodious birds sings madrigals; | ||
There will we make our peds of roses, | ||
And a thousand fragrant posies. | ||
To shallow– | ||
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. | 20 | |
[Sings] | ||
Melodious birds sing madrigals– | ||
When as I sat in Pabylon– | ||
And a thousand vagram posies. | ||
To shallow &c. | ||
[Re-enter SIMPLE] | ||
SIMPLE | Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh. | 25 |
SIR HUGH EVANS | He’s welcome. | |
[Sings] | ||
To shallow rivers, to whose falls- | ||
Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he? | ||
SIMPLE | No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master | |
Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over | 30 | |
the stile, this way. | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. | |
[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER] | ||
SHALLOW | How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. | |
Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student | ||
from his book, and it is wonderful. | 35 | |
SLENDER | [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page! | |
PAGE | ‘Save you, good Sir Hugh! | |
SIR HUGH EVANS | ‘Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! | |
SHALLOW | What, the sword and the word! do you study them | |
both, master parson? | 40 | |
PAGE | And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this | |
raw rheumatic day! | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | There is reasons and causes for it. | |
PAGE | We are come to you to do a good office, master parson. | |
SIR HUGH EVANS | Fery well: what is it? | 45 |
PAGE | Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike | |
having received wrong by some person, is at most | ||
odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you | ||
saw. | ||
SHALLOW | I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never | 50 |
heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so | ||
wide of his own respect. | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | What is he? | |
PAGE | I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the | |
renowned French physician. | 55 | |
SIR HUGH EVANS | Got’s will, and his passion of my heart! I had as | |
lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. | ||
PAGE | Why? | |
SIR HUGH EVANS | He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, | |
–and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you | 60 | |
would desires to be acquainted withal. | ||
PAGE | I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him. | |
SHALLOW | [Aside] O sweet Anne Page! | |
SHALLOW | It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder: | |
here comes Doctor Caius. | 65 | |
[Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY] | ||
PAGE | Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. | |
SHALLOW | So do you, good master doctor. | |
Host | Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep | |
their limbs whole and hack our English. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear. | 70 |
Vherefore vill you not meet-a me? | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience: | |
in good time. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. | |
SIR HUGH EVANS | [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be | 75 |
laughing-stocks to other men’s humours; I desire you | ||
in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. | ||
[Aloud] | ||
I will knog your urinals about your knave’s cockscomb | ||
for missing your meetings and appointments. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Diable! Jack Rugby,–mine host de Jarteer,–have I | 80 |
not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place | ||
I did appoint? | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the | |
place appointed: I’ll be judgement by mine host of | ||
the Garter. | 85 | |
Host | Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh, | |
soul-curer and body-curer! | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Ay, dat is very good; excellent. | |
Host | Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I | |
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I | 90 | |
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the | ||
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir | ||
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the | ||
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me | ||
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have | 95 | |
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong | ||
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are | ||
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay | ||
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; | ||
follow, follow, follow. | 100 | |
SHALLOW | Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow. | |
SLENDER | [Aside] O sweet Anne Page! | |
[Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host] | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of | |
us, ha, ha? | ||
SIR HUGH EVANS | This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I | 105 |
desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog | ||
our prains together to be revenge on this same | ||
scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me | |
where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too. | 110 | |
SIR HUGH EVANS | Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow. | |
[Exeunt] |
Next: The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 3, Scene 2