The Merry Wives of Windsor
| ACT II SCENE III | A field near Windsor. | |
| [Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY] | ||
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Jack Rugby! | |
| RUGBY | Sir? | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Vat is de clock, Jack? | |
| RUGBY | ‘Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he | 5 |
| has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar, | ||
| Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. | ||
| RUGBY | He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill | |
| him, if he came. | ||
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. | 10 |
| Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. | ||
| RUGBY | Alas, sir, I cannot fence. | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Villany, take your rapier. | |
| RUGBY | Forbear; here’s company. | |
| [Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE] | ||
| Host | Bless thee, bully doctor! | 15 |
| SHALLOW | Save you, Master Doctor Caius! | |
| PAGE | Now, good master doctor! | |
| SLENDER | Give you good morrow, sir. | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? | |
| Host | To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee | 20 |
| traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to | ||
| see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy | ||
| distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is | ||
| he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my | ||
| AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is | 25 | |
| he dead, bully stale? is he dead? | ||
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he | |
| is not show his face. | ||
| Host | Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy! | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or | 30 |
| seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. | ||
| SHALLOW | He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of | |
| souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should | ||
| fight, you go against the hair of your professions. | ||
| Is it not true, Master Page? | 35 | |
| PAGE | Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great | |
| fighter, though now a man of peace. | ||
| SHALLOW | Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of | |
| the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to | ||
| make one. Though we are justices and doctors and | 40 | |
| churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our | ||
| youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page. | ||
| PAGE | ‘Tis true, Master Shallow. | |
| SHALLOW | It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor | |
| Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of | 45 | |
| the peace: you have showed yourself a wise | ||
| physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise | ||
| and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor. | ||
| Host | Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater. | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Mock-vater! vat is dat? | 50 |
| Host | Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de | |
| Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me | ||
| vill cut his ears. | ||
| Host | He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. | 55 |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat? | |
| Host | That is, he will make thee amends. | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; | |
| for, by gar, me vill have it. | ||
| Host | And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag. | 60 |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Me tank you for dat. | |
| Host | And, moreover, bully,–but first, master guest, and | |
| Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you | ||
| through the town to Frogmore. | ||
| [Aside to them] | ||
| PAGE | Sir Hugh is there, is he? | 65 |
| Host | He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will | |
| bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well? | ||
| SHALLOW | We will do it. | |
| SLENDER | Adieu, good master doctor. | |
| [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER] | ||
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a | 70 |
| jack-an-ape to Anne Page. | ||
| Host | Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold | |
| water on thy choler: go about the fields with me | ||
| through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress | ||
| Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou | 75 | |
| shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well? | ||
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you; | |
| and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, | ||
| de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. | ||
| Host | For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne | 80 |
| Page. Said I well? | ||
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, ’tis good; vell said. | |
| Host | Let us wag, then. | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. | |
| [Exeunt] | ||
Next: The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 3, Scene 1