ACT II SCENE III

The Merry Wives of Windsor

ACT II SCENE III	A field near Windsor.
[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]
DOCTOR CAIUS	Jack Rugby!
RUGBY	Sir?
DOCTOR CAIUS	Vat is de clock, Jack?
RUGBY	‘Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he	5
	has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
	Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
RUGBY	He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
	him, if he came.
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.	10
	Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
RUGBY	Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
DOCTOR CAIUS	Villany, take your rapier.
RUGBY	Forbear; here’s company.
[Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE]
Host	Bless thee, bully doctor!	15
SHALLOW	Save you, Master Doctor Caius!
PAGE	Now, good master doctor!
SLENDER	Give you good morrow, sir.
DOCTOR CAIUS	Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
Host	To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee	20
	traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
	see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
	distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is
	he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
	AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is	25
	he dead, bully stale? is he dead?
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
	is not show his face.
Host	Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!
DOCTOR CAIUS	I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or	30
	seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
SHALLOW	He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
	souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should
	fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
	Is it not true, Master Page?	35
PAGE	Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
	fighter, though now a man of peace.
SHALLOW	Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
	the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
	make one. Though we are justices and doctors and	40
	churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
	youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.
PAGE	‘Tis true, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW	It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
	Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of	45
	the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
	physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
	and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.
Host	Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.
DOCTOR CAIUS	Mock-vater! vat is dat?	50
Host	Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
	Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me
	vill cut his ears.
Host	He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.	55
DOCTOR CAIUS	Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?
Host	That is, he will make thee amends.
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
	for, by gar, me vill have it.
Host	And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.	60
DOCTOR CAIUS	Me tank you for dat.
Host	And, moreover, bully,–but first, master guest, and
	Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
	through the town to Frogmore.
[Aside to them]
PAGE	Sir Hugh is there, is he?	65
Host	He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
	bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
SHALLOW	We will do it.
SLENDER	Adieu, good master doctor.
[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a	70
	jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
Host	Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
	water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
	through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
	Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou	75
	shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
	and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
	de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
Host	For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne	80
	Page. Said I well?
DOCTOR CAIUS	By gar, ’tis good; vell said.
Host	Let us wag, then.
DOCTOR CAIUS	Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.
[Exeunt]

Next: The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 3, Scene 1