The Merry Wives of Windsor
ACT I SCENE IV | A room in DOCTOR’S CAIUS’ house. | |
[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY] | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, | |
and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor | ||
Caius, coming. If he do, i’ faith, and find any | ||
body in the house, here will be an old abusing of | ||
God’s patience and the king’s English. | 5 | |
RUGBY | I’ll go watch. | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Go; and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night, in | |
faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. | ||
[Exit RUGBY] | ||
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant | ||
shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no | 10 | |
tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, | ||
that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish | ||
that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let | ||
that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? | ||
SIMPLE | Ay, for fault of a better. | 15 |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | And Master Slender’s your master? | |
SIMPLE | Ay, forsooth. | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Does he not wear a great round beard, like a | |
glover’s paring-knife? | ||
SIMPLE | No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a | 20 |
little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | A softly-sprighted man, is he not? | |
SIMPLE | Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands | |
as any is between this and his head; he hath fought | ||
with a warrener. | 25 | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not | |
hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait? | ||
SIMPLE | Yes, indeed, does he. | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell | |
Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your | 30 | |
master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish– | ||
[Re-enter RUGBY] | ||
RUGBY | Out, alas! here comes my master. | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; | |
go into this closet: he will not stay long. | ||
[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet] | ||
What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say! | 35 | |
Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt | ||
he be not well, that he comes not home. | ||
[Singing] | ||
And down, down, adown-a, &c. | ||
[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS] | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, | |
go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box, | 40 | |
a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Ay, forsooth; I’ll fetch it you. | |
[Aside] | ||
I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found | ||
the young man, he would have been horn-mad. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je | 45 |
m’en vais a la cour–la grande affaire. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Is it this, sir? | |
DOCTOR CAIUS | Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere | |
is dat knave Rugby? | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | What, John Rugby! John! | 50 |
RUGBY | Here, sir! | |
DOCTOR CAIUS | You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, | |
take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court. | ||
RUGBY | ‘Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. | |
DOCTOR CAIUS | By my trot, I tarry too long. Od’s me! | 55 |
Qu’ai-j’oublie! dere is some simples in my closet, | ||
dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Ay me, he’ll find the young man here, and be mad! | |
DOCTOR CAIUS | O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron! | |
[Pulling SIMPLE out] | ||
Rugby, my rapier! | 60 | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Good master, be content. | |
DOCTOR CAIUS | Wherefore shall I be content-a? | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | The young man is an honest man. | |
DOCTOR CAIUS | What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is | |
no honest man dat shall come in my closet. | 65 | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth | |
of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Vell. | |
SIMPLE | Ay, forsooth; to desire her to– | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Peace, I pray you. | 70 |
DOCTOR CAIUS | Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale. | |
SIMPLE | To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to | |
speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my | ||
master in the way of marriage. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | This is all, indeed, la! but I’ll ne’er put my | 75 |
finger in the fire, and need not. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper. | |
Tarry you a little-a while. | ||
[Writes] | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | [Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if he | |
had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him | 80 | |
so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, | ||
man, I’ll do you your master what good I can: and | ||
the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my | ||
master,–I may call him my master, look you, for I | ||
keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, | 85 | |
scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do | ||
all myself,– | ||
SIMPLE | [Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] ‘Tis a great charge to | |
come under one body’s hand. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | [Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o’ that? you | 90 |
shall find it a great charge: and to be up early | ||
and down late; but notwithstanding,–to tell you in | ||
your ear; I would have no words of it,–my master | ||
himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but | ||
notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind,–that’s | 95 | |
neither here nor there. | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | You jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by | |
gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee | ||
park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest | ||
to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good | 100 | |
you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two | ||
stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw | ||
at his dog: | ||
[Exit SIMPLE] | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Alas, he speaks but for his friend. | |
DOCTOR CAIUS | It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me | 105 |
dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I | ||
vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine | ||
host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I | ||
will myself have Anne Page. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We | 110 |
must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer! | ||
DOCTOR CAIUS | Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have | |
not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my | ||
door. Follow my heels, Rugby. | ||
[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY] | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | You shall have An fool’s-head of your own. No, I | 115 |
know Anne’s mind for that: never a woman in Windsor | ||
knows more of Anne’s mind than I do; nor can do more | ||
than I do with her, I thank heaven. | ||
FENTON | [Within] Who’s within there? ho! | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Who’s there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you. | 120 |
[Enter FENTON] | ||
FENTON | How now, good woman? how dost thou? | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | The better that it pleases your good worship to ask. | |
FENTON | What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne? | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and | |
gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you | 125 | |
that by the way; I praise heaven for it. | ||
FENTON | Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit? | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but | |
notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a | ||
book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart | 130 | |
above your eye? | ||
FENTON | Yes, marry, have I; what of that? | |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such | |
another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever | ||
broke bread: we had an hour’s talk of that wart. I | 135 | |
shall never laugh but in that maid’s company! But | ||
indeed she is given too much to allicholy and | ||
musing: but for you–well, go to. | ||
FENTON | Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there’s money | |
for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if | 140 | |
thou seest her before me, commend me. | ||
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Will I? i’faith, that we will; and I will tell your | |
worship more of the wart the next time we have | ||
confidence; and of other wooers. | ||
FENTON | Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. | 145 |
MISTRESS QUICKLY | Farewell to your worship. | |
[Exit FENTON] | ||
Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not; | ||
for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. Out | ||
upon’t! what have I forgot? | ||
[Exit] |
Next: The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 2, Scene 1