ACT I SCENE II

Love’s Labour’s Lost

ACT I SCENE II	The same.
	Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit
	grows melancholy?
MOTH	A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.	5
MOTH	No, no; O Lord, sir, no.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my
	tender juvenal?
MOTH	By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Why tough senior? why tough senior?	10
MOTH	Why tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton
	appertaining to thy young days, which we may
	nominate tender.
MOTH	And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your	15
	old time, which we may name tough.
DON ADRIANO DEARMADO	Pretty and apt.
MOTH	How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or
	I apt, and my saying pretty?
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Thou pretty, because little.	20
MOTH	Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	And therefore apt, because quick.
MOTH	Speak you this in my praise, master?
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	In thy condign praise.
MOTH	I will praise an eel with the same praise.	25
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	What, that an eel is ingenious?
MOTH	That an eel is quick.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.
MOTH	I am answered, sir.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I love not to be crossed.	30
MOTH	Aside.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I have promised to study three years with the duke.
MOTH	You may do it in an hour, sir.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Impossible.
MOTH	How many is one thrice told?
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.	35
MOTH	You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I confess both: they are both the varnish of a
	complete man.
MOTH	Then, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of
	deuce-ace amounts to.	40
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	It doth amount to one more than two.
MOTH	Which the base vulgar do call three.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	True.
MOTH	Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here
	is three studied, ere ye’ll thrice wink: and how	45
	easy it is to put ‘years’ to the word ‘three,’ and
	study three years in two words, the dancing horse
	will tell you.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	A most fine figure!
MOTH	To prove you a cipher.	50
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is
	base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a
	base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour
	of affection would deliver me from the reprobate
	thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and	55
	ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised
	courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should
	outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men
	have been in love?
MOTH	Hercules, master.	60
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name
	more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good
	repute and carriage.
MOTH	Samson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great
	carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back	65
	like a porter: and he was in love.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do
	excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in
	carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson’s
	love, my dear Moth?	70
MOTH	A woman, master.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Of what complexion?
MOTH	Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Tell me precisely of what complexion.
MOTH	Of the sea-water green, sir.	75
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Is that one of the four complexions?
MOTH	As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Green indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a
	love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason
	for it. He surely affected her for her wit.	80
MOTH	It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	My love is most immaculate white and red.
MOTH	Most maculate thoughts, master, are masked under
	such colours.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Define, define, well-educated infant.	85
MOTH	My father’s wit and my mother’s tongue, assist me!
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty and
	pathetical!
MOTH	If she be made of white and red,
	Her faults will ne’er be known,	90
	For blushing cheeks by faults are bred
	And fears by pale white shown:
	Then if she fear, or be to blame,
	By this you shall not know,
	For still her cheeks possess the same	95
	Which native she doth owe.
	A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of
	white and red.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?
MOTH	The world was very guilty of such a ballad some	100
	three ages since: but I think now ’tis not to be
	found; or, if it were, it would neither serve for
	the writing nor the tune.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will have that subject newly writ o’er, that I may
	example my digression by some mighty precedent.	105
	Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the
	park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.
MOTH	Aside.
	my master.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.
MOTH	And that’s great marvel, loving a light wench.	110
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I say, sing.
MOTH	Forbear till this company be past.
	Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA
DULL	Sir, the duke’s pleasure is, that you keep Costard
	safe: and you must suffer him to take no delight
	nor no penance; but a’ must fast three days a week.	115
	For this damsel, I must keep her at the park: she
	is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!
JAQUENETTA	Man?
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will visit thee at the lodge.	120
JAQUENETTA	That’s hereby.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I know where it is situate.
JAQUENETTA	Lord, how wise you are!
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I will tell thee wonders.
JAQUENETTA	With that face?	125
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I love thee.
JAQUENETTA	So I heard you say.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	And so, farewell.
JAQUENETTA	Fair weather after you!
DULL	Come, Jaquenetta, away!	130
	Exeunt DULL and JAQUENETTA
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou
	be pardoned.
COSTARD	Well, sir, I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a
	full stomach.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Thou shalt be heavily punished.	135
COSTARD	I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they
	are but lightly rewarded.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	Take away this villain; shut him up.
MOTH	Come, you transgressing slave; away!
COSTARD	Let me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.	140
MOTH	No, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.
COSTARD	Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation
	that I have seen, some shall see.
MOTH	What shall some see?
COSTARD	Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon.	145
	It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their
	words; and therefore I will say nothing: I thank
	God I have as little patience as another man; and
	therefore I can be quiet.
	Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD.
DONADRIANO DE ARMADO	I do affect the very ground, which is base, where	150
	her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which
	is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which
	is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And
	how can that be true love which is falsely
	attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil:	155
	there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so
	tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was
	Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit.
	Cupid’s butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules’ club;
	and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard’s rapier.	160
	The first and second cause will not serve my turn;
	the passado he respects not, the duello he regards
	not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his
	glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier!
	be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea,	165
	he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme,
	for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit;
	write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
	Exit

Love’s Labour’s Lost, Act 2, Scene 1