ACT IV SCENE V

All’s Well That Ends Well

ACT IV SCENE V	Rousillon. The COUNT’s palace.
[Enter COUNTESS, LAFEU, and Clown]
LAFEU	No, no, no, your son was misled with a snipt-taffeta
	fellow there, whose villanous saffron would have
	made all the unbaked and doughy youth of a nation in
	his colour: your daughter-in-law had been alive at
	this hour, and your son here at home, more advanced	5
	by the king than by that red-tailed humble-bee I speak of.
COUNTESS	I would I had not known him; it was the death of the
	most virtuous gentlewoman that ever nature had
	praise for creating. If she had partaken of my
	flesh, and cost me the dearest groans of a mother, I	10
	could not have owed her a more rooted love.
LAFEU	‘Twas a good lady, ’twas a good lady: we may pick a
	thousand salads ere we light on such another herb.
Clown	Indeed, sir, she was the sweet marjoram of the
	salad, or rather, the herb of grace.	15
LAFEU	They are not herbs, you knave; they are nose-herbs.
Clown	I am no great Nebuchadnezzar, sir; I have not much
	skill in grass.
LAFEU	Whether dost thou profess thyself, a knave or a fool?
Clown	A fool, sir, at a woman’s service, and a knave at a man’s.	20
LAFEU	Your distinction?
Clown	I would cozen the man of his wife and do his service.
LAFEU	So you were a knave at his service, indeed.
Clown	And I would give his wife my bauble, sir, to do her service.
LAFEU	I will subscribe for thee, thou art both knave and fool.	25
Clown	At your service.
LAFEU	No, no, no.
Clown	Why, sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as
	great a prince as you are.
LAFEU	Who’s that? a Frenchman?	30
Clown	Faith, sir, a’ has an English name; but his fisnomy
	is more hotter in France than there.
LAFEU	What prince is that?
Clown	The black prince, sir; alias, the prince of
	darkness; alias, the devil.	35
LAFEU	Hold thee, there’s my purse: I give thee not this
	to suggest thee from thy master thou talkest of;
	serve him still.
Clown	I am a woodland fellow, sir, that always loved a
	great fire; and the master I speak of ever keeps a	40
	good fire. But, sure, he is the prince of the
	world; let his nobility remain in’s court. I am for
	the house with the narrow gate, which I take to be
	too little for pomp to enter: some that humble
	themselves may; but the many will be too chill and	45
	tender, and they’ll be for the flowery way that
	leads to the broad gate and the great fire.
LAFEU	Go thy ways, I begin to be aweary of thee; and I
	tell thee so before, because I would not fall out
	with thee. Go thy ways: let my horses be well	50
	looked to, without any tricks.
Clown	If I put any tricks upon ’em, sir, they shall be
	jades’ tricks; which are their own right by the law of nature.
[Exit]
LAFEU	A shrewd knave and an unhappy.
COUNTESS	So he is. My lord that’s gone made himself much	55
	sport out of him: by his authority he remains here,
	which he thinks is a patent for his sauciness; and,
	indeed, he has no pace, but runs where he will.
LAFEU	I like him well; ’tis not amiss. And I was about to
	tell you, since I heard of the good lady’s death and	60
	that my lord your son was upon his return home, I
	moved the king my master to speak in the behalf of
	my daughter; which, in the minority of them both,
	his majesty, out of a self-gracious remembrance, did
	first propose: his highness hath promised me to do	65
	it: and, to stop up the displeasure he hath
	conceived against your son, there is no fitter
	matter. How does your ladyship like it?
COUNTESS	With very much content, my lord; and I wish it
	happily effected.	70
LAFEU	His highness comes post from Marseilles, of as able
	body as when he numbered thirty: he will be here
	to-morrow, or I am deceived by him that in such
	intelligence hath seldom failed.
COUNTESS	It rejoices me, that I hope I shall see him ere I	75
	die. I have letters that my son will be here
	to-night: I shall beseech your lordship to remain
	with me till they meet together.
LAFEU	Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might
	safely be admitted.	80
COUNTESS	You need but plead your honourable privilege.
LAFEU	Lady, of that I have made a bold charter; but I
	thank my God it holds yet.
[Re-enter Clown]
Clown	O madam, yonder’s my lord your son with a patch of
	velvet on’s face: whether there be a scar under’t	85
	or no, the velvet knows; but ’tis a goodly patch of
	velvet: his left cheek is a cheek of two pile and a
	half, but his right cheek is worn bare.
LAFEU	A scar nobly got, or a noble scar, is a good livery
	of honour; so belike is that.	90
Clown	But it is your carbonadoed face.
LAFEU	Let us go see your son, I pray you: I long to talk
	with the young noble soldier.
Clown	Faith there’s a dozen of ’em, with delicate fine
	hats and most courteous feathers, which bow the head	95
	and nod at every man.
[Exeunt]

Next: All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 5, Scene 1